Thunder, Lightning and a Confession....

                   "I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott

I never ever used to be scared of storms.
Not at all when I was little, growing up or even as an adult before I had children. Never.
I like rain, I love sleeping during a heavy rain but I am talking about all out storms here. Bad ones.
Thunder, lots of lightning, heavy wind and the possibility of  a tornado. We get that a lot around here.

Maybe nervous is a better word, they make me nervous, not so much scared.
I know Eric looks at me kinda crazy because he doesn't understand where this comes form all of the sudden.
I do.
It's one of those irrational fears us mothers have of something happening to one of our children.
It's something I cannot control. It makes me nervous.
And really? With all of the tornadoes, flash floods and hurricanes you see on tv and read about, is it really all that irrational anyway? It's just another worry.

Charlotte has developed a real fear of storms now. My poor baby.
And it's not because of me, I promise. I can play it cool in front of the kids.
I can tell her again and again  that, "No, the Doppler isn't really showing much...just a little rain."
Even if it's a lie.

I have a confession though...
When she comes in my room at night because she is scared of the thunder and can see the lightning peeking through her curtains....it makes me feel better.
I feel better when they are close buy.
When I can feel them right next to me or peek in their rooms and see that they are okay.
I know she is safe. And not as scared close to me.
She is also my baby and at 3 1/2,  I love every second that I still get to snuggle with her or have her lay right next to me. Peaceful and reassured.
And not just her, or him, but me, too.

As a mother there is so much to worry about.
It will never go away.
Sometimes it's hard to have to be the mom, to be the adult, to pretend that everything is always going to be okay.
When you are worried about a family member, you can't let on.
When they ask if lightning could ever really strike a kid, or a grown-up,  you have to say no.
Could a tornado ever come to our house in Illinois? It probably wouldn't.
Could we ever have a hurricane like Haiti and get buried under our houses? No, we don't get those here.
You have to be able to handle it, to have the answers, to reassure them that everything is going to be okay. And maybe try to convince yourself in the process.
I know one thing for sure, being a mother is not for the weak.

* After reading this post I'm thinking it sounds a little cryptic maybe?  It's just another rainy, stormy day here...guess it's affecting my mood. And we can't be picnics and balloons every day, right?