Confessions Of A 'Selfish' Mom

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Alone time is a necessity for me.
Quiet time, all alone. 
QUIET. ALONE : Two absolutely heart-fluttering, magical words.

I know as women and moms we always joke about needing to get away from it all and; "Calgon, take me away" and all that jazz, 
but I'm not joking or laughing about it... It's not a far-off, daydreaming kind of want... 
it's real. 
I need it... and I have to get it when I can...any way that I can.
I mean... I'm not leaving the kids home alone and going for a drive, don't get me wrong, but when I feel like I really just need to
get  AWAY,  like right  now,  that's where I go.

Being super busy and having a mile long mental to-do list causes major stress for me.
It makes me edgy and anxious and left feeling a lit bit defeated-- because I just don't think I'm going to get it all done.
Well, because... I usually don't.
Then, I feel kinda mad at myself for letting it get me stressed and snappy and bitchy... ya know?
That's just how I work... and I don't love it, but I can sometimes(not always) figure out how to get myself out of it and I figure instead
of beating myself up over it, I need to do the best I can do...  and just handle it.

And do what needs to be done, which is,  get some time to myself.

Here's the part where I know I probably differ from a lot of other moms with the whole needing alone time thing;
I need time to myself,  for myself... And I do not feel guilty about it. 
I don't.
I'm not saying I never did, but I am saying that I do not feel guilty now.
I do not feel guilty for wanting + needing ALONE TIME, or AWAY TIME-- it makes me a better person, a better mom, a better
wife and friend, it is what I need.

To a lot of other women/moms, this sounds so SELFISH.
That's always really interesting to me, that we immediately feel, or are made to feel, selfish when we say that we need something for ourselves.
Like being mothers forfeits our right to anything that is just for US and no one else.
I'm not buying it, I could not disagree more.

Yes, we often come last, yes we have a million things to do for others all the time... But it doesn't mean that we should neglect what we need.
My personal theory is that if you do that long enough, you will pay the price.

-By not knowing who YOU are, you may not know what your own real interests are- what you want to do/make/be/love

-By not taking the time to connect with friends or taking the time to be a good friend to others will only hurt us eventually.
If we do not take time for our friendships, we will not have really good + true friends when we NEED them the most

-We will not have any outside interests that are necessary to our well-being-- that fill us up creatively, spiritually, intellectually, etc.

- By never taking time for ourselves we are not setting a good example for our children.

- By never taking time for ourselves we are never giving ourselves a chance to truly feel recharged and  refreshed and ready for all of the daily
  demands in our lives

I'm not here to give advice, I'm just hear to listen to myself talk, really.... 
But I really do feel strongly about this-- "Selfish" does not have to be a dirty word, and when
I say "selfish" I don't necessarily mean the dictionary's definition, 
but; self-care, not depriving ourselves of what we need because we are 
too busy or not as important as everything else we have to do... that's my made-up definition.


This weekend I hope to be able to squeeze in a little time for coffee with a friend, a solo drive 
through the country, a walk through my favorite cemetery or a little have a little time to sit by 
myself at the lake with a cup of coffee and a book...
Any of those will do.
Just give me two hours, I will feel like a new person!

Do you get solo time?
Enough of it?
What do you love to do when you have a couple of free hours all to yourself?
Do tell!


  1. Before I hired some helpers I was alone a lot. Honey worked out of town and it was just me. I was lonely. Now I crave a day to myself. I'm rarely ever alone. Friday I went antiquing by myself. Bliss

    1. I LOVE going antiquing by myself... i like going with other people, too though : ) i crave days by myself a lot!

  2. Perfectly said! One of my all time favorite quotes...."The best thing a mom can give her kids is a healthy mom".....I've made this my mantra in all aspects of "healthy". My very favorite solo time? A quiet walk outside early in the morning or at sunset. For me, it's the very best "regrouping" tool.

    1. I couldn't agree more, Terra! I love those two times a day, too and really need to make getting up early a priority. You are on wise Mama!
      : )

  3. What you are saying is oh so true!! We shouldn't feel guilty and I do believe it's part of our job to teach this aspect of self worth to our kids as well. Locally we had a film fest here and your post rang so true with what I heard a Mom talking about in a feature called 15 Reasons to Live she discusses solitude. Her way of achieving some alone time was to walk to the mall...not to shop but to sit and just watch turn off all the stuff going on around her head...focus on others. It was really a very thought provoking movie which I so enjoyed:)

  4. I couldn't agree more! Thank you for saying it out loud... er, writing it!


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