The other night I took a walk alone after dark.
The weather was perfect, it was in the 60s and I was wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt with no coat in December.
That's just crazy but I will take it over snow and ice any day.
So, I walked and then on the way back home I cut through the school parking lot and stopped at the swings.
Can I tell you something?
I kinda love to swing.
But normally I am pushing kids, so I don't really get to swing by myself... I mean, not really swing.
I think I must have swung for 15 minutes or more, as high as I could.
My stomach dropping and doing flip-flops the higher I went.
I really wanted to jump off but I was too scared I would like break my foot or something(I've done that before, no fun).
And as I swung I wondered how long it had been since I had done that, really swung, for a while...as long as I wanted to....I don't know.
It is a bit of a cliche but I'm gonna say it anyway...swinging like that, in the dark by myself, I felt so... free.
Free and light...no worries and no cares... just nothing.
How often do you really feel like that as an adult? Not very often, I have to say.
It made me think that when I was younger, that is how I felt..... a lot of the time.
Not weighed down with worry and stress and bills and kids and responsibilities and relationships and other people's problems...
I miss that feeling.
And then I got to thinking about what we lose in ourselves along the way to becoming grown-ups.
I think it's a lot.
I wondered as I swung in the dark, what happened to the younger me, the 21-year old... the 19-year old.. the 25 year old me....?
Where did she go?
Is there any of her left in me somewhere under all of the other stuff?
This is not about me not liking where my life is now, not at all, I wouldn't change anything about my life now... I know that I am just
exactly where I should be.
I think I just realized that I kind of miss some of those parts of my younger self-- the one that didn't know half of what I do now, the one
who was a bit naive, a bit self-centered and yes, a bit more fun.
life is just kinda weird sometimes, huh?
ps- i'm loving this today. his voice. sigh.