{Today's Mini-Breakdown Is Brought to You By : The 3rd Day of School + Too Much Time To Think}
The guilt of a mother, it never ends, does it?
This is one thing I have learned for sure over the last 7 1/2 years.
We feel guilty after our first baby is born and we wish we could pop them back inside to cook just
a little bit longer because maybe being pregnant was good enough after all.
We feel guilty because all we want to do is to be able to sleep when they are tiny babies and cry because they just really never do at the right times.
We feel guilty when we want to run out of the house and down street away from that same
crying baby.
We feel guilty when we can, can't or don't wanna nurse our babies.
Guilty when we drop them off at daycare and return to work.
Guilty when others cannot get pregnant or lose babies when we know they would do anything
in the world to be a mother.
Guilty for losing our temper.
Guilty for not having enough patience.
Guilty when we need a night away so badly that we would consider sacrificing our first-born
just for the chance at it.
Guilty when we miss our 1st graders presentation where he is Abraham Lincoln and wears a top
hat and tie and says his lines perfectly, because we got the day wrong(that was ME. remember that? awful).
It never ends, this guilt.
Usually I feel it, I tell myself I am doing the best I can and even if I really wasn't today, tomorrow is another day and I have a
chance to do it all over again...then I let it go.
I have to and I usually can pretty easily.
But this morning while folding laundry I could hear the kids playing on the playground over at school
and I had to fight back tears and was hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt.
Guilt because we switched schools.
Oh and the fighting back tears part? That actually means crying on and off all morning.
I think I have been focusing so much on Charlotte starting kindergarten and the big change for
her and how she was going to do---
that I haven't been thinking as much about the fact that my boy switched schools, after two years at
his old school...a school we really liked, where he had friends, where his cousin went ...
where he knew everyone in his grade....
to knowing no one and not having any friends and it all being new to him.
I realize this is just Day 3 of school and in case you hadn't noticed, here is the break-down
we have all been waiting for, folks.
Ta-da.
I am emotional and doubting myself and wondering if these choices were selfish or right or wrong
and if we made a huge mistake and if Wyatt will make friends.
I am worried.
Yesterday I asked him what he did at recess and he said he went down the slide and just kind of wondered around
by himself on the playground and then thought to himself;
"Man, I gotta get some friends."
This is kinda funny if you know Wyatt, he wasn't even complaining but just being matter-of-fact.
He is sweet and funny and wild and busy and has a great sense of humor, that boy.
I don't care if my kids have ten friends or one friend and they don't need to be the popular kid in
school, invited to every birthday party.
I'm not the mom that pushes the whole "best friend" thing for their kids or the mom eager
to set up play dates.....I just want him to have someone he can play with at recess.
That's all.
Ahhhhh....
Sometimes it's just tough, isn't it?
