{it's all how you look at it}

So, I've held off on my I'm-Dreading-Kindergarten post as long as I possibly can.

Please leave now if you're not in the mood for self-absorbed whining, obsessing and to be honest, 

a little bit of theatrics on my part.

I've warned you.

School starts in just two weeks and although I am not feeling that all out panic yet, it's coming.

I know it is.

Sending my first child off to school has always felt so far off, it's one of those things that you know is coming but it feels so far in the future that you just push it to the back of your mind.

But now here we are.
All too soon.

Scheduling our orientation, finding out the name of his teacher, waiting for the school supply list to come in the mail, talking a little about school every day, checking out all the
"Going to Kindergarten" books at the library and buying a backpack.

I'm doing my best to put on a brave face in front of him but I am sad. 

So sad.

A little nervous about how he will do but mostly just sad.

I feel like it is the end of something. 

Something big.

The end of our quiet little world at home, the end of me being the center of his world, the end of my control (over behavior, friends, choices) and my guidance and influence on his decisions.

The end of spending our days together, his days of playing with his sister all day long.

Going away on trips for the day, staying up late if we want and

staying in our pajamas all day if we choose to.

Have I done my job? 

Have I taught him everything he needs to know to be away from home all day?

Will he make the right decisions? Use his manners? Make friends?  Be nice to the other kids? 

Do well in school? Be able to sit still? 

Listen without talking? 

Help others? 

And is this the right schol for him anyway?

I told you...a lot is going through my head right now.

And I know, or hope, that this is not all bad, this whole beginning school thing.

It will be great for him, he will learn so much, make new friends.

  Love school.

This is my hope, this is what I keep telling myself.

When I was uploading these pictures from my alone time last week there were a bunch of pictures of this  same thing (weed? flower?) from different angles and a different perspective, in a different light.

Mostly because I thought they looked really cool and the sunlight was just perfect.
And it made me think that I don't think I have to pretend 

like I am ready for this big change, or not sad about my boy growing up but I can try to look at it a little differently.

Try to see this whole Kindergarten thing from a different perspective.  I can try.

*     *     *     *     *

So I'm trying to focus on the things we will get to do, the good things about school, the positive changes.

Charlotte is now signed up for ballet and starts the week schol starts and she is looking so forward to it.

Taking Wyatt out to shop for school supplies and out to dinner before the big day.

Making up a Kindergarten surprise box for him complete with his own clock...

for some reason he wants one really bad so now is a good time I guess.

Baking cookies while Wyatt is at school for an after-school snack, sitting down together when

 he gets home and hearing about his day.

How happy the kids will be to see each other after school each day.

It's all how you look at it.

(sniff)

Right?

I know many of you have been through this already and many others are getting ready to experience this for the first time like me. 

Any advice for me or anything you would like to share?
I would love to hear what you have to say, what you think or your own experiences.

We have spent the majority of the week inside as the temperature with humidity has
been up to 110* and higher. The other night it was 96* at 8:30 p.m. Yuck.
I thought better of my bright idea to take the kids to the County Fair today, now we are just waiting for our State Fair that starts next week.
Hope you all are having a great week!

Decisions, Disappointments & Daydreams::

So this is probably going to be a long, rambling, whining post so if that's not what you came here for today you might want to stop reading now. Or if you find yourself in a whiny, rambling mood this morning you might just want to stay. And maybe go get a cup of coffee or tea...or a big donut.

This coming Fall my little guy will go to kindergarten, something I am totally and completely not ready for...not at all. I admit it. And I know that's why I am having such a difficult time with all this school business.

Here our school options are as follows: attending your "home"(neighborhood) public school , private school, homeschooling or trying to get into one of the magnet schools which involves a random lottery. After visiting the magnet schools we decided our first choice was the Montessori school. I just knew this school was exactly what I was looking for and it seemed right for our family. So we put our name in and waited and waited and kept our fingers crossed for months and.....no. He didn't get in. We can try again for the next school year but for now we need to decide what to do for the Fall. Our neighborhood school, which also happens to be right across the street, isn't one of my very first choices. But it's right there and would be so convenient, I know, everyone keeps telling me that, most of all my mom. We also still have the option of a private school  but I don't think that makes sense for many reasons including starting him at a completely different school if we know the Montessori school is really where we would like him to go and we plan to do the lottery again the following year.

 I hate to say it but school hasn't even started yet and I am already over it. The decisions, the stress...blah...he's only 5 years old. I realize this is not college, I know there could be much bigger things I could be worrying about right now in my children's life but this is a big step for me and I wanted it to work out just so. But don't we all. I guess you have a way you imagine it's going to be, your first child going to school, and when you're not completely comfortable with the reality of what it is , it's really disappointing. But then again, not the end of the world either.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about sending my little guy off to school or that is having to make these decisions right now. Any advice? Words of wisdom?  I would love to hear what you have to say...even if it's just that I need to get over myself.