Ten Years Old.

This happened today.
Wyatt turned ten today.
TEN.
Ten freaking years old.
First child in the double digits you guys.
I'm not gonna lie, all week I have kinda felt like laying in bed crying, downing a bottle(or three) of
wine or just pulling the covers over my head in complete denial.

It's a lot.
All of the emotions. 
Allll of them.
But I have been trying really hard(because it really is something that I  have had to make a conscious effort to do) to not let
this milestone Birthday get me completely down.
Funny how Birthdays and kids and the years can do that to us, huh?

So in the spirit of keeping myself out of the  f  u  n  k,   I willl just say this-
This boy is the one of the two best things that has ever happened to me.
He was wished for and prayed for and everything in between.
He is beyond special and we are celebrating ten years of my sweet little(not so little) Wyatt James
all weekend long.

Tonight's plan includes take-out pizza, popcorn, movie candy and The Bad News Bears.
Blow up bed in the middle of the living room, pajamas and Legos for days... It's his idea of the perfect night and it sounds
pretty good to me, too!
Happy Weekend to you, hope it's a GREAT one!


/////////////////

OH, The Guilt + A Mama Meltdown

{Today's Mini-Breakdown Is Brought to You By : The 3rd Day of School + Too Much Time To Think}

The guilt of a mother, it never ends, does it?
This is one thing I have learned for sure over the last 7 1/2 years.
We feel guilty after our first baby is born and we wish we could pop them back inside to cook just
a little bit longer because maybe being pregnant was good enough after all.
We feel guilty because all we want to do is to be able to sleep when they are tiny babies and cry because they just really never do at the right times.
We feel guilty when we want to run out of the house and down street away from that same
crying baby.
We feel guilty when we can, can't or don't wanna nurse our babies.
Guilty when we drop them off at daycare and return to work.
Guilty when others cannot get pregnant or lose babies when we know they would do anything
in the world to be a mother.
Guilty for losing our temper.
Guilty for not having enough patience.
Guilty when we need a night away so badly that we would consider sacrificing our first-born
just for the chance at it.
Guilty when we miss our 1st graders presentation where he is Abraham Lincoln and wears a top
hat and tie and says his lines perfectly, because we got the day wrong(that was ME. remember that? awful).

It never ends, this guilt.
Usually I feel it, I tell myself I am doing the best I can and even if I really wasn't today, tomorrow is another day and I have a
chance to do it all over again...then I let it go.
I have to and I usually can pretty easily.
But this morning while folding laundry I could hear the kids playing on the playground over at school
and I had to fight back tears and was hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt.
Guilt because we switched schools.
Oh and the fighting back tears part? That actually means crying on and off all morning.
I think I have been focusing so much on Charlotte starting kindergarten and the big change for
her and how she was going to do---
that I haven't been thinking as much about the fact that my boy switched schools, after two years at
his old school...a school we really liked, where he had friends, where his cousin went ...
where he knew everyone in his grade....
to knowing no one and not having any friends and it all being new to him.

I realize this is just Day 3 of school and in case you hadn't noticed, here is the break-down
we have all been waiting for, folks.
Ta-da.
I am emotional and doubting myself and wondering if these choices were selfish or right or wrong
and if we made a huge mistake and if Wyatt will make friends.
I am worried.
Yesterday I asked him what he did at recess and he said he went down the slide and just kind of wondered around
by himself on the playground and then thought to himself;
"Man, I gotta get some friends."
This is kinda funny if you know Wyatt, he wasn't even complaining but just being matter-of-fact.
He is sweet and funny and wild and busy and has a great sense of humor, that boy.
I don't care if my kids have ten friends or one friend and they don't need to be the popular kid in
school, invited to every birthday party.
I'm not the mom that pushes the whole "best friend" thing for their kids or the mom eager
to set up play dates.....I just want him to have someone he can play with at recess.
That's all.

Ahhhhh....
Sometimes it's just tough, isn't it?

If You Build It, They Will Come...

The other day I posted some of my sunset over cornfields pictures on instagram and someone
said cornfields always remind her of the movie Field Of Dreams.
It's funny because after my last post where I confessed all of my doubting over this whole parenthood
thang, and got some awesome comments from everyone, I thought of that movie, too.
Because every time I share something personal I get the best response from you guys.
I so LOVE that and so appreciate it.
AND, it reminds me once again that sharing and being honest, even when it makes you feel a
little uncomfortable and vulnerable, or you worry about being judged or misunderstood, it is totally worth it.

I think each and every one of us struggles with different things whether it is in parenting or work, our
marriages, friendships, self-doubt....and when others share with us their struggles we do not feel so alone or that we are
the only ones struggling while everyone else has it all together.
No one has it all together.
No one.
And that is really reassuring to know.

I proudly announce the fact that I do not have it all together and never will.
I am a work in progress and if I had it all figured out already then I wouldn't be challenged and
tested, I wouldn't be growing or learning.
Right?
And I am completely okay with that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A few of my favorite shots from this week via the trusty old iphone ::

*hitting the beach
*too lazy to drag my butt out of bed
*kid's supper
*fresh new bed, clean sheets and pillowcases
*cornfield
* coffe and breakfast date with the kids at starbucks this morning
*running errands with these crazy kids
* sunset in my rear view mirror
*amazing sunset last night

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Happy Friday everyone.
Got any big plans this weekend?


ps- just realized I never explained the Filed Of Dreams reference... what? you can't read my mind?
sharing my last post on parenting made me think; "if you share it, they will come" : )

Letter To The Hovering Mom at Swim Lessons

Dear Mom at the 9:45 a.m. Swim Lessons,

Just a few thoughts after spending the last month with you...
If you haven't already, maybe you should just go ahead and get your lifeguard certification
and teach swim lessons yourself, it really just might be the best thing for everyone.
It is difficult for the teachers to get the kids to listen to them when you are standing right at the edge
of the pool, telling your child what to do in a louder voice than the teachers.
Not good.
Encouraging your crying child from the side is one thing- maybe a clap, a "good job, buddy" is fine but
telling him over and over he will get to go get a milkshake as soon as the lesson is over for
completing every little thing he is supposed to be doing may not be in your, or his,
best interest down the road
(and we are not talking about jumping off the diving board here people, but getting in the water,
putting back his kick board  and generally following any and all rules and instructions apparently deserves a milkshake).
If I was to ever have another child, his name would definitely not be "Tucker " as
I(and the rest of the pool) had to hear you yell it approximately 100 times during each lesson
and it is now forever burned into my brain. No offense to the rest of the Tuckers in the world.
And last but not least Mom at Swim Lessons, do not ever again, under any circumstances,
 kick off your
flip-flops and actually step into the shallow end in your clothes to crouch down closer to your
son so he pays attention to you.
Nope, never. Those instances are actually reserved for drowning situations only.
Had there been a megaphone in my purse, this would have been the moment you would have 
been called out for your psychotic hovering.
And ps- please do not sign up for the 9:45 session again next time, k?
I hear there are fantastic later morning classes and even an evening class that maybe your 
husband would want to take Tucker to instead.

Thanks in advance,
Amy  (aka: another mom at swim lessons that you caused to want to drink every Monday and Wednesday at promptly 10:45 a.m.)