On Self-Doubt & Busting Out The Paint Brushes

The other day Charlotte and I were home alone and she was painting, like she often does 

when the mood strikes her. She gets out everything she needs and just starts. 

there's no thinking about what exactly she's going to do, not questioning if it's a good idea... 

or even whether or not she is a great painter. She just likes to paint.

So she does. 

I decided that maybe I felt like painting too,  so I grabbed my sketch book and the 

water colors and painted at the little table next right next to her.

Suddenly I remembered that I actually like painting, just for the fun of it, with no expectations or end 

result in mind. Then I realized that the reason I probably don't do it that much is because I don't think I am very good at it. And then I realized it really doesn't matter though either way.

I love drawing and doodling and always have been a doodler/drawer.

That's just who I am.

So there.

I think it feels good to try different things or the things you have kind of forgotten that you enjoyed, whether or not you think you are any good at it. And whether or not you even keep what you are working on or throw it away when you are done. I know it's kind of a cliche, but it really is the process and enjoying the activity, whatever it may be, while you are doing it.

There are things I know I never try because I think I wouldn't be any good at it... I mean, it's

not really even a conscience thought but just a little something in the way back of my mind.

Do you do that, too?

Since we re-painted the living room there is one wall that is empty and it's the perfect spot for something big. I need a  b i g  canvas/print/something and I haven't seen anything that size, that I like, that is in my price range, so I think I am just going to make my own art to put there.

I am still trying to figure out what eaxctly, but I will... I have a few ideas.

And if I don't love it... or I mess up then I will just fix it or cover it with something else... 

I know I will figure something out. I was thinking about all of this- about creativity and what I love to do, what I am scared to do without totally realizing I am scared to do it, why I doubt myself, 

what makes me happy and how positive it is to spend my time creating.

And then I remembered that quote by Sylvia Plath that I love, because it's so true.

And then I realized I absolutely do not want to spend my days in self-doubt and I don't want 

my kids to, either. And that is why I am taking action(my one little word for 2015) and trying new things and doing the things I want to do instead of wishing I could or telling myself that "some day" I will.

The hard part is actually stopping the negative self-talk and doubting though.

Right?

Is there any area in your life where you need to let go of the self-doubt?

Or that without realizing it, you have let that little nagging voice of doubt keep you 

from trying something you want to try?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

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Taking Action + Slow Sundays

Action. 
That's the word I chose for this year.
{I talked more about that here}
I went back and forth between intention/intentional and action... and back and forth some more before I landed on action and stayed there.
Intentional would have worked too because they have similar meanings to me but action felt right.

Let me explain why.
One of what I consider my biggest flaws(just one!) is my lack of action, or inaction when it comes
to all the things I want to do... And not just do, But do/learn/make/build/go/accomplish/experience.
I often feel like there are so many things in my head that I want to do that it just becomes overwhelming
and I don't do them... or I start them and don't finish them.
Often before I get started on something I talk myself out of it by telling myself why it won't work, why I will never get there and how I will probably not follow-through anyway, so why even start?
Geeez.... great attitude there, Amy. I know, I know.

Enter: Slow Sundays.

This is just one teeny tiny thing in a list of a million things that I want to start doing and this one is really important to me.

We are not great over here about family dinners, which is something we always did growing up.

When I lived at home my mom fixed dinner every night and we all ate together at the dinner table.

Because of work schedules and habits we have never been great at this and it's something I want to change at home.

So we will work on the dinner thing for sure and have also started Slow Sunday breakfasts, which we have really been trying to do for a while now.

Weekends are sometimes easier, so Sunday or even Saturday breakfasts, are very do-able for us.

There is more time, less rush and there is time to prepare, clean up and enjoy a big meal without rushing to clean up, have showers, do homework/study spelling words, etc. that we have during the typical school week.

I am excited to try some new breakfast casserole recipes and homemade cinnamon rolls is on my long list of things to try.

The kids love breakfast food and I think I will be getting far fewer complaints than at dinner time, which is a huge motivator for me. 

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This is just one of the many things on my never-ending list of things I want to change in the new 

year and continue to work on.

You will hear me talk a lot about my one little word this year- how I am doing, what it means to me and what areas of my life need the most work and how this one little word applies to these areas.

It is already the last day of January and I am feeling pretty good about this month, often I am disappointed in myself and the lack of progress I have made at this point, or disgusted that I have already completely lost all momentum and don't even remember what in the hell my word for the year is supposed to be.

Is there something you are currently working on? Any big or little goals or things on your mental to-do list? How was January for you?

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend! 

My One Little Word + The Process Of Finding It

So I am sure you have heard all about Ali Edward's One Little Word project, right?

In the New Year errrbody's talking about it.

Errrbody. And that includes me.

If you want to read more about it you can do that here...and if you read very many blogs and

 are on Instagram too much like me you have probably heard lots of chatter on it this

 past week in particular.

People use these words to set their intention for the year; something they want to do, 

learn, not do any longer, start doing... A way in which they want to live their lives I guess.
A word gives you something to focus on, to see visually when imagining how you want your year/life to

look or how you hope to be living your life throughout the next year.

Many people use these words along with or in place of resolutions.

I don't do resolutions.

Resolutions are way too limiting for me and pretty much equals instant failure.

To me a resolution is: I will stop drinking Dr. Pepper and never have another one again for as 

long as we both shall live. That's not happening. It's just not. 

But setting goals and choosing a word or phrase is much more doable for me... 

Not instant success, don't get it twisted, but just hopefully a bit more realistic for me.

A word is more of a guide for me and a consistent reminder as to what I want to achieve and
ultimately how I want to live.

//////
So this year I started the process of thinking about my word a bit earlier than I normally do as well as a

 bit differently than I have in the past. I looked at it more like trying to figure

 out what my word was by doing some work to get myself there. 

And let me add here -- This is not typical for me, 

which is actually kind of funny considering what my word ended up being for this year. 

Usually I wait until the right word kind of comes to me, through an aha moment, divine 

intervention or by complete accident.

This year I took to figuring it out or searching for it as more of an assignment, but a good assignment... 

Not a sucky school assignment you are dreading.

First, I wrote about what I wanted the new year to look like for me, what I knew I no longer need in my life

 or what I need less of, what I knew I need more of in my life and 

what areas of my life need the most work. It helped me a lot to write it all out.

Then I wrote down any and all words that I thought of that pertained to me.

Next,  just as an extra exercise, I looked up all of the definitions of the words I didn't immediately cross off

 of that long list and wrote them down.

After I did that and thought about each of them, I crossed out the ones I thought didn't "fit".

There were several of those.

Then I thought about it some more... Not worrying that it was December 31 or January 1 

and then January 3 and  I still wasn't sure.

It wasn't about that, it wasn't a race and it wasn't something that I only had a certain amount of

time to figure out. I've got all year to work on this if I need it.

Here's the thing. I need a lot of work. My life needs A  L O T  of work. 

I will never be there... I will always need a lot of work, I think we all do.

And I think that's a good thing.

I want to grow and learn and change this year.

Not become a completely different person, because sometimes I actually kinda like

 myself when I can get there, but grow and make changes... hopefully ones that
 will stick with me past this year alone.

So there were many possibilities because you know, this mama is a bit of a hot mess
 in the whole needing work category.  Hot, hot mess. 

:::::          a  c  t  i  o  n           :::::

That's my word.

And although part of me wishes it was a prettier word like dream or believe or 

wander or imagine or something that looks kinda cool when you write it down on

paper(that's the way my visual, creative brain works).... But it fits.

For many reasons it totally fits me right now.

I'll get a lot more into what the word action means to me in different areas of my life later this week... 
I'm still figuring it all out.

It's a new year and a new week and I am looking so forward to all of it.
I am ready to take action and start doing instead of just thinking and wishing.

Hope your new year is off to a good start! 

Do you have a word for the new year?

Goals?

Something you are hoping to accomplish?

I'd love to hear! 

Thoughts On Goals, Words + Hopes For The New Year

So,  I mentioned the other day that I was still thinking about my word for the year... 

my One Little Word... and I still kinda am but I think I have it.

I know this is really pretty dumb but I was hoping for a good word, one that looked good... 

a word that would look awesome on one of the Lisa Leonard necklaces I am coveting--

you know like inspire... dream... believe... hope...wish... 

A good word, one that would look cute.

But, that's not what I'm gonna get this year.

And uh-- that's not really how you go about finding a word,  anyway.

{ Don't worry you guys, I know this }

........................

I LOVE the start of the New Year, I really do.

It's a fresh start, a new beginning, an empty calendar, a clean slate and the hope that 

anything in the year ahead really is possible.

My biggest wish for the year ahead, for myself, is that I could carry this feeling with 

me all year long.

Not that it will just last for the first two weeks and then fizzle out because

uhhhh, that tends to happen sometimes.
Or pretty much all the time, if you are me.

This is what I do and I'm sure other people do it, too but I'm really bad about it;
I have an idea/wish/dream and it often dies before I even get it off the ground.
You know; I wish I could...  I want to... Some day I am going to....
And that's it, that's where it stops.

Ughhhhh. Why?
Why do I do this?
Is it self-doubt? Lack of motivation? Willpower?
Not enough planning?
Fear of failure?
Probably a little bit of all of the above.
Here's what I have recently realized ::
I do not necessarily tell myself out loud(or say to anyone else) that I can't do something
or wouldn't be good at it but it is more of a ingrained thought, like I don't even
completely finish the thought/dream/idea before I dismiss it.
Wow.
I don't really think I ever realized that about myself.

I want that to stop, or at least start figuring out how I can not do it as much, for starters.
I tell my kids all the time that they can do + be anything they want and not to let anyone
tell them otherwise.
The thing is, someday they might be the ones doubting themselves without even
realizing it. I figured this out in the car on the way home from the skating rink today(ha!).
I need to prove to myself that I can accomplish all of the big + little things I want to do...
no more wishing I could, dreaming of doing it, feeling bad when I see others do things I wish
I could do although I have never even attempted it myself(dumb).


Accomplish.
I want to start accomplishing things--
I don't just want to start them, I don't want to dream of doing them, I don't want this
year to end wishing I had started a year ago...
I want to actually do them.
I don't want to give up before I start, chicken out or sabotage myself.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So there it is, there's my word.
I know I won't accomplish everything I want this year but that's not really even the
point, I think the point is to have goals, to not be content where you are, to learn more,
try harder, challenge yourself...
and to dream bigger.
That's what I'm hoping for.

                                            Source: danielleburkleo.com via Amy on Pinterest

Tell me what your word is... goals?  plans? hopes for the New Year?
THEN hurry up and get over to Danielle's blog; she made this lovely little
free printable for her readers. Isn't she awesome? I love it!
Mine is going in my office.

***********

Happy Friday everyone!
This is our last weekend off before the kids go back to school next
Tuesday... we gotta make it a good one.
Hope you have a great weekend.

ps- if you haven't already, make sure you leave a comment to be
entered to win an adorable little fox mug just like this one... today is the last day.
good luck!