Snappy and Stuff

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Oh, I have been feeling so snappy the last couple of days.
Getting way too annoyed with anyone (everyone) and just a little too short on patience.
Way too short for my liking.
I can usually pretty much let it roll off for a while but then it gets to me, whatever it  even is.
And then I get super annoyed with myself.
And know that I need to get over myself.

Last night I was supposed to do something which I was a little annoyed about anyway, it
being a Friday night and all, and somebody screwed up and delayed me and it didn't
end up working out so I had to go do it at 6:00 this morning instead.
I was so beyond irritated and couldn't let it go.
But, being up and out that early allowed me to see the sun coming up and the lake and the
birds and everything covered in a thin, sparkly coat of ice.
It was so pretty.
Freezing, literally, but pretty.

Have you ever wanted to blog about something but then can't quite find the right words to
use or what to say exactly once you sit down and try to type it?
It's dumb.
And I don't mean when you have nothing to say or have writers/bloggers block,
but instead when you do have something to say but don't know how to without sounding
weird and dumb and...crazy.
This might be sounding way too cryptic and I am not trying to at all, really, it's nothing
serious or bad or anything like that at all but just a bit of an update on all of my craziness--
the panic and anxiety and the process of figuring out to medicate or not to medicate,
the insomnia and... you know, all of that.

*And speaking of the cryptic stuff, don't you hate it when people on facebook put out the
really dramatic, cryptic posts to pray for them, they don't  know how are they going to
go on, they just got the worst news ever, etc. but then they never elaborate?
That seriously annoys me.

But back to the craziness-- things are so much better and stable and non-anxious and I
thought I could tell you a little about the last several(or six?) months or so and how things have
been going and that if you are in the position I was back here just to let you know that things
will not(or do not have to) stay that way forever.
A bit of encouragement if you will.
It just never sounds quite right but I'll get it one day and share it, because I think I feel like
I want to.

So I will get over myself and the words will come.... and maybe tomorrow I will
wake up on the right side of the bed. Let's hope so anyway.
And if not, at least I will get to see Brad Pitt in this tonight.


  1. i'm not sure if i get exactly what you are saying.
    but i do get stingy with my experiences like i don't want to share because i feel like it's only for me, or i am afraid to share.
    like everyone in blog land is demanding something that i am not willing to give....ha!
    i know that no one is asking for anything...i just get that weird feeling i feel a random feeling of "everyone" knowing things is invasive.
    i'll get over it.....
    i'm sure you'll get over your deal too.

  2. Sounds like me when I'm pmsing. I almost shouldn't allow myself to blog when its that time. I always make a bigger deal than it is.

  3. I think I know what you mean. I really struggle to find the words. I know what I want to say, but I'm not sure how to say it or sometimes even when to say it.
    Those are gorgeous sun shots! So pretty. Looks very calm.
    And I totally get what you mean about the cryptic FB people. Annoying!

  4. you are so sweet.
    the words will flow when they are ready, and you will write it all out beautifully, as you always do.
    i'm so glad that you are feeling better, and that you can use your past and ongoing experiences to help others. such a blessing!
    we all need help and encouragement, and to feel like there is hope.

    have a great rest of the weekend!

  5. Oh, I TOTALLY get what you are saying and if anyone REALLY knew what my mind was muddling over everyday they would need to be HEAVILY medicated.

    It means you are going through changes in your attitude, mind, are aware of what's going on, but just can't make heads or tails of it. Trust me you are NOT alone.

    Oh, and the whole FB thing...I call that vaguebooking and I HATE it too.

    BTW - Not to sound cheesy, but I believe things happen for a reason and perhaps you were meant to see that sunrise...Just a thought.

    Hang tough totally got this. :-)

  6. i get annoyed about everything. no worries :)

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. I just love your blog. Yes, things can absolutely get better. I know what you are talking about in terms of anxiety; I struggle with panic disorder, agoraphobia, and generalized anxiety disorder. I am not medicated. I have an amazing therapist, and have gone through cognitive behavioral therapy, much more effective than meds. Anxiety intensifies and then wanes, according to the circumstances in your life. Like you, I debated over meds for so long, and then finally desperate, tried lexapro last year. My life was crumbling, many difficult things happened, and then when my daughter was diagnosed with a life-long disability I broke down. I had an allergic reaction to lexapro, and it was miserable. That solved the debate for me! I wasn't willing to go through numerous drugs and reactions to find the "right" one, when I know I can manage this with CBT skills. What helped me, was moving forward, despite being utterly devastated. And guess what? A year later, things are much better, but there are (of course) new challenges. I just keep pushing myself, despite wanting to curl in a ball all day long. You're not alone Amy, I have such empathy for you, and you seem like such a wonderful person!


leave me a know you wanna.