Letter To The Hovering Mom at Swim Lessons

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dear Mom at the 9:45 a.m. Swim Lessons,

Just a few thoughts after spending the last month with you...
If you haven't already, maybe you should just go ahead and get your lifeguard certification
and teach swim lessons yourself, it really just might be the best thing for everyone.
It is difficult for the teachers to get the kids to listen to them when you are standing right at the edge
of the pool, telling your child what to do in a louder voice than the teachers.
Not good.
Encouraging your crying child from the side is one thing- maybe a clap, a "good job, buddy" is fine but
telling him over and over he will get to go get a milkshake as soon as the lesson is over for
completing every little thing he is supposed to be doing may not be in your, or his,
best interest down the road
(and we are not talking about jumping off the diving board here people, but getting in the water,
putting back his kick board  and generally following any and all rules and instructions apparently deserves a milkshake).
If I was to ever have another child, his name would definitely not be "Tucker " as
I(and the rest of the pool) had to hear you yell it approximately 100 times during each lesson
and it is now forever burned into my brain. No offense to the rest of the Tuckers in the world.
And last but not least Mom at Swim Lessons, do not ever again, under any circumstances,
 kick off your
flip-flops and actually step into the shallow end in your clothes to crouch down closer to your
son so he pays attention to you.
Nope, never. Those instances are actually reserved for drowning situations only.
Had there been a megaphone in my purse, this would have been the moment you would have 
been called out for your psychotic hovering.
And ps- please do not sign up for the 9:45 session again next time, k?
I hear there are fantastic later morning classes and even an evening class that maybe your 
husband would want to take Tucker to instead.

Thanks in advance,
Amy  (aka: another mom at swim lessons that you caused to want to drink every Monday and Wednesday at promptly 10:45 a.m.)


  1. bahahaha!
    i know i shouldn't laugh at you, but this is really funny...now that it's over! :D

  2. i have been so annoyed at that mom before. and ashamedly, been tempted to be her for a lesson or two. it was first swim lessons with my first born thing, i think, before i knew any better. but wow, i was never that bad. i'm hoping it wasn't a group lesson where yours were in the same group!!

  3. I love your blog!

    If my English was good, more often comment

  4. You are hilarious! Is she in the picture??? I keep looking for hovering moms in it ;o)

  5. Oh that's too funny. I had a similar experience this week with a hover mom at tee ball. She's worried about lice, but she made an ass of herself in the process. Take a deep breathe!

  6. Oh that's too funny. I had a similar experience this week with a hover mom at tee ball. She's worried about lice, but she made an ass of herself in the process. Take a deep breathe!

  7. ugh! I thought I was bad for sitting outside the window and just watching my girls! not good at ALL~
    she is showing him he has every reason to be afraid of the water! duh!

  8. Hopefully Tucker isn't in one of your kids' classes next year or you might have some room mom issues. ;)
    This was too funny!! (And I'm glad to see that it happens everywhere and not just our town.)

  9. The very funniest part about this whole experience...is that it wasn't ME!!! I got to meet a couple of the sweetest moms this year at the 10:00am swim class. And I do wish young Tucker the very, VERY, very best of luck in life!

  10. this is just perfection sarcasm at it's very finest. i love you, amy bramer. you are me...in illinois, getting pissy with all the annoying mothers...breathing into paper bags so we don't hurt someone. amen and amen.


    This post made me almost wet my pants laughing :D

  12. I am Tucker's mom... Just kidding (God forbid)This was some funny shit! LLOL -Sonia


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