Coming And Going

This week I have thought, at various times, about this little blog of mine.  Just sitting here.
Like I have nothing to say at all and no time to say it. Sometimes it does seem like that, other times I have so much to say I don't know where to start.
More often than not though, there are things in my head and on my heart and on the very tip of my tongue even,  that stay where they are because they are not for public viewing/reading/hearing.

You know those things you want to say and those days when you feel like there is literally not one person on this planet that understands you, or cares what you have to say anyway.
We all have those days.
When you feel silenced... misunderstood...alone...when you are moving along, keeping your mouth shut because you know it's the best thing to do. The days you don't even feel like trying, or explaining, the days when you know if you said these things out loud you would surely be deemed crazy, like officially.

I have a lot of those days but often they are just moments in my days...not full days.
Sometimes I miss the days of writing or typing, sharing and just getting it all out there, if only for myself--Because really it has always been just for myself, this space and these words and pictures.
It's for me.

So you keep going and there are good days and bad days...
There are days you want to start over, somewhere else where no one knows your name, and there are days when you know you couldn't do this if there wasn't someone around that did know your name, your story and your heart.
These days of coming and going and giving all you have and feeling certain it isn't enough, they are hard. But they are good, too.
There is always good, every single day and that is what I keep telling myself- Some days we need this reminder and some days we absolutely do not need it. It's okay to have both kinds of days.
It's okay to be a contradiction.
It's okay to be up and down, coming and going, hot and cold.
Most days I can't pretend to be anything else, I just don't have it in me.



And that is okay.

And Suddenly...Here We Are

You know how when your kids are younger and not sleeping so well, or they are in a real hard stage like tantrums, teething, potty training(the three worst!)...And you feel like this will always be your life and your kids will ALWAYS be in this stage and they will never grow out of it, you will never sleep normally again and you kinda want to jump out the window?
Yeah? Me, too...I so remember those days. Very well.
When someone with older kids would tell me to; "Just wait" or something along those lines referring to wait until they are moody preteens, wait until they are hard to handle teenagers, wait until instead of not sleeping, they are sleeping until noon... Somehow you kinda think those days will never come.
Like logically you know they will, but you feel like it will be twenty years away and no time at all in the near future.
Right? Or is it just me? Maybe denial?

I don't know why we think that way-Maybe it's just because the difficult stages really seem as though they will never end.
Maybe it's self-protection, I cannot get emotional about every new stage/change, everything they leave behind and every little new thing they become.
I mean, I would be in tears constantly. Right?
Suddenly we are entering that stage where things are changing, just ever so slightly, but you can feel it, and you can see it... Small changes.
My baby boy that was a teeny tiny 6lb 8 oz baby and stayed in under the fifth percentile for height until he was about six years old(or older) now reaches my nose. I know he will soon be taller than me! What? When did these things happen?
Sigh.
The annoying saying about the days being long and the years being short is oh-so true.
I was kinda hoping they were wrong.

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Happy Wednesday!

Summer Vacation Is Here!

At 3:05 on Wednesday, Summer vacation officially began.
We are excited- and freaking out just a bit at the same time- That would be me, not the kids.
Summer vacation just isn't the same when you are working(Boo!), so this Summer is going to be a
little different than those in the past...
It is going to involve a lot more juggling, s few Summer camps and figuring it all out along the way.
My Summer List this year might just be; Keep everyone alive and Mama sane!
That might be the only thing on the list.
I might add "keep guilt at bay", too. Yeah, I'm probably gonna need to add that.

 Wish us luck!

What Will They Remember?

I wonder if you ever do this...?
Sometimes I wonder what my kids will remember most about their childhood, one day in the future when they are older, much older- adults or maybe even parents themselves.
When the time comes, I wonder how they would answer these questions;

"When I was a kid we used to __________"
"When I was I kid I loved it when we got to ____________"
"One of my favorite childhood memories is ______________"

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You never know what they will remember most, what it will be... and I am pretty sure it won't be any of the the things I imagine it would be.

A couple of weeks ago we were watching a movie on a Friday night and we made chocolate milkshakes for the kids, in the fancy(or not so fancy, but not the regular old every day ones)glasses.
As I was getting the "fancy glasses" out of the china cabinet, I was reminded how my mom used to make us Coke floats on the weekends when we were kids and we used these certain glasses that we only ever used when we had Coke floats.
They were kept in a different cabinet than the usual dishes.
I still remember what they looked like and that the cabinet was one that slid open and it always kind of got caught and you had to close it and reopen it again before you could get your glass out.
My memory is not fantastic but I definitely remember that, it's a favorite for sure.

So you had better believe that the following Friday night while the kids were watching the original Karate Kid I made them Coke floats.
I said it was just like a Friday night in 1984.
And it may not ever be one of their favorite memories, even if I kinda hope it is, but it will always be one of my favorites as a mom.

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Do you know how you would answer those questions? Could you answer right away or would you need to think about it?

The Grateful Dead and Girl Scout Badges

I had a moment the other day.

It was one of those strange moments where you can almost see yourself, sitting there doing what
you are doing, but from the outside.

I was sitting at the kitchen table listening to music on my little wireless speaker that plays music from my phone.

I was trying to sew patches on Charlotte's Brownie vest about thirty minutes before her Girl Scout meeting started. I was doing a pretty bad job of it, too. 

It's something I put off over and over- I do a pretty crappy job, I can never find needles, or the badges and mostly because I just know after I go through all the trouble to finally sew them on  I will find
out that I sewed them on in the wrong place. 

Because that's exactly the kind of thing I do. Like regularly. I'm that mom.

Charlotte was sitting at the kitchen table next to me writing a story that she kept hidden with her arm
so I couldn't read it.
I was sewing and listening to the variety(both good + bad) that Pandora was playing when a song came on, it was this song and I'm linking to it even though I'm sure no one else knows this song or probably cares, really.
But I love it and all of the sudden.... So MANY memories.
Me at 16 and 19 and 21 and 24.... and now.
I have so many tiny but vivid snippets of memories and sounds and smells and places tied to this song... to this band and to those years.
So many happy, carefree memories with good friends...
They all flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds, so many thoughts and feelings.

And then I looked back at Charlotte writing and down at the little Brownie vest I was(badly) sewing patches onto and it was a moment, a strange one.
A moment of then and now and how I am the mom now and where did that other person go, anyway?
The old me, the younger me.
Because if I'm honest, I wouldn't trade where I am now or go back to that time permanently for anything... but sometimes I miss that girl and sometimes I feel like I've lost her, some days she feels a life time away from me now.

////////////////

I think in a matter of seconds I smiled, I felt like crying, I felt like dancing and I just wanted to freeze time right then and just enjoy doing exactly what I was doing.
And then Charlotte looked at me, covered her papers again to make sure I couldn't read anything
and I went right back to sewing with my crooked needle while trying not to look at the sink full of dirty dishes.
And the moment left just as quickly and unexpectedly as it came.

Staying One Step ahead Of Mama Burn-Out

This picture was taken last week when the kids and I were in St. Louis.
I am always on the lookout for these graffiti/art walls and the kids know how much I love them, so they are always quick to point them out to me when I am driving.
They are usually fairly cooperative when I do a u-turn and go back to take pictures and beg them to get in some of them for me, too. I said usually.

So this past weekend I realized something... it's kind of funny that it just hit me, but it did.

{But first- my PSA about taking time for yourself...}

Now if you have read here for very long you know I am a HUGE supporter + encourager 

of getting away from home by yourself- dinner, a movie, coffee, exercise, whatever. 

For a few hours, overnight, for a weekend... Whatever you can manage.

It's the recharge that I think everyone needs, everyone... 

But I'm talking specifically about moms here.

I know it's really easy to put yourself last and make sure that everyone else has everything they need and it is natural for us to be everything to everyone. It's also super easy to tell ourselves things like we don't care to do anything anyway and just generally talk ourselves out of it because
we actually feel guilty and feel that we are skipping out on our "jobs" when we get away...
"Things don't go as smoothly at bedtime/school mornings/homework, etc. when I'm not home...
my spouse can't do (blank) as well as I can, so it's better if I am at home..." etc.
At one time or another in motherhood we have all probably told ourselves these things, right?
But it's not true and I'm not buying it. And the amazing thing? Everyone survives at home just fine! And sometimes they have a lot more fun when mom isn't there(duh)... it's good all around for everyone, not just the mom. I promise. So I think you should be thinking about where you are going to get away to solo... and soon.

Back to my realization though...

This might sound completely contradictory to everything I just said, but I still mean
everything I said up there and I do make it a point to get away and I don't feel guilty for it.
I am a better mother for it and that is a fact.
So this past weekend I got away but it wasn't a solo or girlfriends get-away.
I realized that sometimes getting away with the kids is the best way to recharge, too.

With the kids... Yep, I said that- I know it's kind of opposite of what I just said.
 I have always loved doing short, spontaneous road trips with the kids, even if it is just
an hour away... But I don't often do them in the spirit of me "recharging" because sometimes it
feels like an oxymoron to say "recharging" and "with the kids" in the same sentence. Sometimes.

Those little get-aways are usually done for the experience, to break up the monotony of everyday work/school/home life + for us all to do something fun together...
But not for me personally to recharge, necessarily.

But this past weekend away, just the kids and I, was exactly that... a big, fat recharge for me.

It was just the timed I needed away, but with them. I realize this would not work for everyone, or have the same outcome, but with my kids being 8 and 10 and very easy-going, 

easy-to-please travelers, it was perfect. And it was a lot of fun.

There were no dishes, no dog messes, no laundry, nothing staring me down reminding me what 

all I should be doing. We weren't at home, there were lots of options for fun things to do
 and the weather was beautiful, the nicest yet this year. It was awesome. 

The kids got to go to an indoor trampoline park, to the Science center, a sculpture park... 

We went out for donuts + coffee in our pajamas Sunday morning and ate candy

 and watched movies in our hotel room at night. 

It was just the recharge I needed and just a whole lot of fun for the kids.

///////////////

Are you able to recharge regularly and how do you do it?
What is your favorite way to recharge by yourself?

Saturday Date With My Favorite Boy

Last Saturday was such a good day.
I think it was the longest I had been away from the hospital since my dad went in, I stayed there late Friday night and
didn't go back there until Saturday afternnon.
I had all Saturday morning and a good part of the day "off",  just the break I needed.

I got to spend a good part of the day with my favorite ten year-old and it was such a good day.
As of the middle of this week I was feeling like I had seen so little of my kids for the past few weeks and the time I did see
them wasn't very long at once and was rushed + stressed and without me really fully present, or even halfway present
for that matter.

So Saturday.

We had both been hungry for breakfast food and decided to go to a yummy little neighborhood spot for a late breakfast/brunch.
I was craving pancakes and Wyatt was craving french toast.
Next time I will definitely be getting the french toast because it was oh-so-good.
When I asked Wyatt what he was hungry for his answer made me laugh and he was completely serious : "Just a lot of bacon."

We ate and talked, he drew in his Moleskin and didn't mind me taking pictures of him.
It was perfect.
These uninterrupted, just the two of us dates are so, so good- and they don't happen nearly often enough but they are my favorite.
These one-on-one times with my kids really gives me a glimpse of who they will be one day, if that makes any sense to you.
The way they act, carry themselves and things they talk about is just different when it is just you and them.
It just is. 

After we ate,  we stopped at this little area of beautiful Gingko tress and a beautiful brick homestead-Oh I   l  o  v  e    these
trees and their super cool leaves!
So we had to jump out and get a pictures here, about two hours after we snapped these pictures it was snowing really lightly
and so cold.
I'll take pretty yellow leaves over snow in November any day, in case you were wondering.

Next we went and did a little Christmas window shopping- at Big Kmart... his choice. Ha!
We spent a long time in the toy aisles, him making a list on a piece of paper we scrounged out of my purse while I stood behind
him and took pictures with my phone of the toys he was writing
down... that was how I made my list. 
It was nice to go really slow, to lsiten to him, look at the toys he was talking about(well until I glazed over and could only nod my head...)
and just to not be hurrying him and wishing I was somewhere else in that moment or just going over my mental list of all the things
I need to do.
Why do we always do that, by the way?


In the next couple of weeks I am going to make it a priority to squeeze in a little morning/afternoon or evening date
with my most favorite + funniest little eight-year old.
These are the days to rememeber.


////////

Today, I Give You Permission

Today was one of those days.
Not terrible, not great... but a day.

Today I wanted to throw in the towel.
To run away.
Like really, really far away.
Maybe to another country where no one knows my name.
Like where I would walk around with sunglasses on, people watching... where no one would
talk to me and I wouldn't need to talk to anyone else unless I really felt like it.
I wouldn't exactly know the language in this foreign country, but I would be just fine.
Alone. Blissful.
That's my fantasy, My Running Away fantasy.
I have several, but that's just one of them.

And guess what?
Today I, Amy, give you permission to have your very own Running Away Fantasy.
And the rule is is that you cannot feel guilty for it.
Like not even a little bit... it's a fantasy, you're not really doing it.
And you also don't have to apologize for having one, or announce how grateful and thankful and blessed you are for your life...
None of that.
You can do that later, or tomorrow, but not while you are having your very own Running Away Fantasy because it's just
simply not allowed.
Remember, I am the one making the rules and handing out permission slips today. 


Today I gave myself permission to fantasize about running away from life and people and responsibilities and just all of it.
I give you permission too, because it's okay.
It doesn't mean you're ungrateful or selfish or that you would ever trade your life(not really) to
run away for real.
Because it's okay to not want to be with your people every second of every day... or people at all for that matter.
It's normal, I promise you.


Also.
In my fantasy I am in fact driving a VW bus, and it's either orange or baby blue or bright yellow.
And yes, I can drive it to another country from Illinois... because in my fantasy I am not getting on
a damn airplane.
No way.

The End.

When You Don't Thrive On Being "Busy" + Why It Is Okay

This topic is something that is on my mind more often than not because it's something I feel like I am forced to think about
nearly every single day in one way or another.
Our days are busy.
The world is busy, busier than  e  v  e  r .
All my friends and family are busy, everyone on social media is so busy, we are so busy that we all talk about it- a lot.
Too much.
I feel like some people wear the whole "OhmyGodwehavebeensooobusy" thing like a badge of honor.
Like that's how it's supposed to be, like it's a good thing.
But it's not and I'm not buying it- or wearing the badge.

I am feeling overcommited and overscheduled and if I am honest I will tell you that I don't like this feeling at all.
Not at all.
I feel rushed and stressed and like I am barely holding it all together some days.

We live in an age of Parenting that tells us more is best.
Your child wants to play baseball?
Sign him up!
He wants to be in band?
And soccer?
And Boy Scouts?
Sign him up!
Oh- your daughter does, too?
Well we don't want her to feel left out, so sign her up, too.
Everyone is doing it and it wouldn't be fair to not let them do an activity that they really want to  do....
And God forbid we tell our kids NO.
Regardless of the cost it is to the whole family.
And by cost I don't even mean financial cost.

On a personal note-

The cost of being so busy and over scheduling my kids to the point that I can't have dinner with friends just one time a month, or see
a movie every other month or be able to return a phone call within the week or answer texts from my best girlfriends, is just not worth it to me.
So not worth it.
Because that is real life to me and that is what is important to me.
That right there is what fills me up, it's what gets me through the days and the weeks and the years.
And everybody knows that if Mama is stressed and worn out and doesn't get to fill up and recharge...
it's not good, not good for the whole family.

The cost of being so busy can easily mean that by bedtime I am too tired/stressed/worn out to
read with my kids, to talk to them about what is going on at school and to look at one of their stories, drawings/Lego creations--
For maybe the 500'th time... But who's counting.
To watch a movie together as a family, or play a game or just lay in bed and talk to them.

The older my kids get, the busier things feel for sure.
I really kind of hate it.
A lot.
There is more homework and now there's orchestra and Student Senate and Brownies and tumbling... the list goes on.
For selfish reasons I don't want to be running my kids back and forth every night of the week to multiple things and getting home only
in time to eat, bathe and go to bed.
I also don't want that because I know it's not the best thing for our whole family.
I want my kids to know that family time is important, friend time is important, getting away is important, doing absoultely nothing
is important-- I also want them to know that doing what everyone else is doing or letting yourself be a slave to "doing it all" is so
not important.

These are the days that my kids still want to be at home doing things with their family.
Wyatt turned ten last week and I have had to face the fact that the teenage years willl be here in
approximately three years... things will be different then.
I want to take full advantage of these days and years and moments.
I know that I do not want to realize a few years from now that I couldn't be a good friend, or a mom
that was just a little less stressed, a wife/sister/daughter/aunt that was rarely "present" because I was just so damn busy.

////////

I could keep going on this topic for days + days, you guys.
I will stop now- but tell me what you think, what you really think...Do you feel this pressure, how do you manage it and deal with, how do
you keep yourself and your family in check?
Or is it something you need to work on?

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts on this subject! 

Oh Motherhood, You $*%#!

Lucky for you I bleeped out the rest of my post title.
Or, Sorry... or, You're Welcome.

BUT, This is pretty much how I've felt since I saw the movie Boyhood Tuesday night.
Oh. This movie, you guys. Wow.
I can't stop thinking about it.
Every so often you see a movie that just knocks you right in the gut, one that you just totally "get", that speaks to you... You know?
If you're a mother of a boy/boys, or mother at all... Watch this movie.
If you're not a mother, watch this movie.

It was an amazing thing to watch this boy grow up, literally, over the span of 12 years...
It's just an awesome and bittersweet thing to witness really.
The scene with Patricia Arquette at the end when her son leaves for college, is me.
That's how I feel a lot of the time.
A LOT.
Heartbroken, filled with love, exhausted, emptied, full of joy, thankful and a bit sad...  All of it.
A L L   O F   T H E   F E E L I N G S.
All of the time.

I think it's completely appropriate for moms to feel like we have given every last little thing we have
to give to our kids and to want to move to a remote Island A L O N E far, far away from

Every living person for an entire year. Right Now.

{Or more}

Totally normal.

If you didn't feel like this on occasion, I'd be worried about you.

Seriously.

So it's been that kind of week.... The kind where Motherhood gets the best of you.

Not horrible... But emotional.

And that's just how some of these days and weeks and years are.

This weekend we will be watching my boy play Soccer and hanging out at home, hopefully getting
a few things done I have seriosuly been putting off.
I am so ready for a relaxing weekend.

H a p p y   W e e k e n d !

All The Ways I Fail

Yesterday morning got off to a bit of a rough start.
It was Monday first of all, so it already had that going against it...
But I woke up early(too early really) and had time to just lay in bed for quite a while and think and just wake up and be ready for the
day without rushing or oversleeping.
I remember laying there thinking that this was the perfect way to start the day.


But somehow things went from just fine to not,  in no time at all... And I do know that my actions or reactions sometimes perpetuate these things
or at the very least make them worse, you know, and go from not great to really shitty in 0.2 seconds.
That's what happened. It happens.

I heard fighting downstairs and after lots of talking and them pretending to listen yesterday and the day before, I lost it.
There was no screaming but I did yell and lectured and then I was really grouchy and mad.
And then of  course it was time for the kids to leave for Vacation Bible School and for me to go to work and I left feeling like the worst mom
ever, that is obviously doing  E  V  E  R  Y  T  H  I  N  G
wrong or else my kids wouldn't be fighting and I wouldn't be losing my temper and I wouldn't feel like crying on the way to work.
I didn't, because I actually put make-up on and wore a skirt so I wasn't about to cry.
Mostly I was mad.
And stressed.

And then I am mad that I am mad.
I get mad at myself for things that could have been avoided had I given it a few more minutes, been just a little more patient,
been a little more organized and not stressed about
getting out the door late.
Then there are the times that no matter what you do, someone might just be in a grouchy mood, or tired or whatever, and there is absolutely
nothing I can do about that.

But still.
When I have these mornings or days or evenings or weeks, it's really hard not to think of all the ways I am failing.
Because there are so, SO many.
I'm failing in the patience department.
I am failing at the organization thing.
I am failing at the working outside the home thing.
I am failing in the laundry and cooking department and pretty much anything and everything in the house.

I could give you a list a mile long of my shortcomings and sometimes only come up with a couple of things that I am doing right
or even just semi-good.
I think this is normal.
Motherhood can be defeating.
It's hard.
It's a roller coaster.
It's my most important job.
But it's not the only thing I am or the only person I am.
And that can be so overwhelming at times.



Thank goodness that tomorrow is a brand new day.
And we all have another chance.
To do better or do it over or to just another day to give ourselves a little more of a break.




////////////

Coffee + Hot Chocolate Date

Last weekend Charlotte and I were able to sneak away for a few hours for a coffee and hot chocolate date, just the two of us.
We stopped at Starbucks first for hot chocolate and my drink of choice(cinnamon dolce latte, nonfat milk) and three teenagers sat next to us.
Charlotte kept looking all crazy at them, she rolled her eyes to me once about the way they were talking and what they were saying.
At one point she came around the table and whispered in my ear, saying:  "Why are they so dramatic, Mommy? That's ridiculous."

It was funny to watch her watch them and later when we left I told her she would probably be acting that way one day, too.
She looked horrified and said; "Did you?"
I had to admit that... Yep, I probably did, too.

After coffee we decided to go to a used book store that we hadn't been to in a long time.
We have a couple of small independent book stores in town, but the closest Barnes & Noble-type book store, which Charlotte declared a
couple of years ago to be her  "Happy Place",  is about a half and hour + away.
We looked around the book store and Charlotte picked out an American Girl book.
Next we stopped at Target, looked around a little and headed home, Charlotte read her new book the whole way home.

Sometimes it's hard to remember to do these little dates, just one on one, or to find the time to squeeze them in.
I know the more kids you have the harder it is, but I am always so happy when we do find the time to do it... it can definitely be done.
We have already decided that next time we will have to go on a Saturday so we can go paint pottery together.
But first, Wyatt and I will have to have our date... Wonder what he will choose to do??

/////////////////////////

Hope you had a great weekend... tomorrow is Monday already.
Sigh.
But it is a short week for us,  4-day weekend and the kids and I are headed to  C   H   I   C   A   G  O on Friday.
Hoooray!

Parenting :: On The Pope and Ass-Kicking and Ruining My Kids For Good

{ That's a big and kinda scary title, huh? }


Some days parenting and being The Mom is so hard.
Some days it is almost effortless.
Some days I want to scoop the kids up and take off for the country,  never to be seen again.
Away from people and other kids and school and TV and electronics and everything.
E  v  e  r  y  t  h  i  n  g.
Some days I couldn't be happier right where we are- in this stage of our lives and their lives and just all of it.
Some days I feel pretty proud of my kids and where they are and how they are doing...
and even, dare I say, a tiny bit proud of the job we are doing as parents.
Then the next day I realize, and have a  major freak out in my head, that I am ruining the kids.
RUINING THEM.


I'm not doing the right things with them, teaching them what's important, we're not going to church regularly, I don't have answers
for the hard
questions and more often than I would like I have to,  I tell them that "I'll get back to you on that one."
But then I forget to.
They've not yet played a team sport(either of them!) or any kind of sport for that matter.
They have never had a puppy or flown on an airplane.
They've never set foot inside a Chuck E. Cheese and might even think we don't have one at all in the state of Illinois.
I am not strong in the patience department, it's one of my worst faults.
If I can't show them patience as I should... will they be able to have/show patience?

Charlotte recently asked my mom(when my mom mentioned the Pope in conversation and described him as wearing a white robe and a big pointy hat):
"You mean like a wizard?"
Yikes.
#Mom(ThatWasRaisedCatholic)Fail.
I mean... that's just wrong... they should know this... that's  MY JOB.
What else don't they know, that they SHOULD know??


Some days I want to go over to school and literally threaten the bratty kid who made an inappropriate gesture/was mean to/used bad +
inappropriate language in front of my kid.
He doesn't need to know this stuff yet!
That's it, I'm homeschooling!
Private school!
And the next day when my child comes home from school with a bruise on his leg from being kicked by a classmate I want to go
physically kick the kid's ass.
Like I actually envision myself kicking an 8-year old's ass. And that's kinda wrong.
But then my child tells me that he kinda pinched the kid first, just lightly and in a kidding way.
And I tell him;  "I bet you keep your hands to yourself next time then, huh?"
But I'm not sure which way is right-- that or whoopin' the classmate's ass ?!


I want to teach them the right way, the appropriate way....
But sometimes that's just really hard.
And don't worry, these ass-kickin' fantasies stay in my head and are not uttered in front of the kids,
I promise.

////////////


And my brain isn't like this every day,  don't worry.
I am pretty laid back in general.
And I'm a laid back parent, no helicopter parenting going on over here.
But still.
Some days it's enough to drive you crazy.
And on those days.... there'd better be a bottle of wine in the house.
Or two.

Margaritas + Feeling Like A Failure Mom(+ A Give-Away)

This week is crazy, crazy.
And not the good kind of crazy... know what I mean?

Maybe two weeks before Christmas, with so much other stuff going on, is not the ideal time to start having big evening events for my new job.
But I have two this week, last night and tonight and I have literally been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
I can't wait until tonight is over.

The other day Charlotte started drawing a book of "Mommy's Favorite Things" and page 1 was a margarita.
She wanted to take the book to school to show her teacher and right now as I am typing this I just remembered that I never checked
her backpack to make sure she didn't.
Ooops.
That margarita is going to be sounding pretty good about 8:00 tonight though....

This morning I am feeling bad about snapping at Charlotte for losing one of her new gloves already, right before she left for school.
And yesterday she wanted me to walk with her class to a play at the University and I couldn't go because I had to work.
I hate saying I can't go.
And I think one day last week was her snack day and I just remembered. Yep.
Got it all together over here, don't I?
Also, my girl has to get a tooth pulled next week and there's more guilt.... my kids have inherited my terrible teeth.
It's so easy to let all of these things overwhelm you, make you feel guilty and less than.


BUT,  I have not failed completely with our Elf this week... it's the little things, folks, and I'm hanging on tight to the little things
I haven't screwed up.
In the midst of the busy craziness our little Elf is something to look forward to every morning.
Even if I forgot last night and Eric hung him off the back door know to make it look as if he was trying to get out of the house(Booooorrrrriing).

One morning we woke up to papers scattered all over the dining room floor.

It looks as though he was trying to draw the perfect self-portrait.

Another morning he got into the basket of CLEAN laundry and scattered socks 

and underwear all over the Christmas tree.

 I can't forget tonight though,  I need a good idea...

and I need to do it before I crawl into bed exhausted tonight...

no more of this hanging off the door handle business.

:::::::::::::::

Look at this post about my little GIVE-AWAY that ends tomorrow.

Leave a comment on this post or any post this week.

A swell little bundle of vintage goodness + one pretty sweet little coffee mug.

50% off everything in My Shop through tomorrow, 12/13/13.

Happy Thursday, y'all.

Keepin' It Real :: When Being A Grown-Up Sucks

{Warning : No sugar-coated  I Love My Life!  post here today.

Looking for that?  Best keep moving, folks}

There are lots of good things about being a grown-up... or The Grown-Up, don't get me wrong, 

but there are a lot of super crappy, not fun things about being an adult, too....

And lately?

Those things just seem to be overshadowing the few benefits I can currently count on my hand

 of being the older, mature "grown-up".    

Because really... some days?

I don't want to make the decisions, or answer the questions, I don't want to help with third grade

 Math homework or try to teach the "right lessons" about not nice friends at school.

I don't want to wonder if I am in the right place in my life, doing the right thing.

I don't want to worry about bills.

Or lack of money.

Busy schedules and a house that I can't seem to keep up with.

I don't want to think about having no dental insurance, feeling like crap, 

loads + loads of laundry, school fundraisers, volunteering at school and the 

seemingly constant school meetings and emails.

 AND on top of all that-- a new job.

Some days I just don't want to do any of it.

None.

I just want to get in my car, with my friends, like we did when we were twenty, 

go on a road trip somewhere to see some concert that we just have to see and be 

immature with no responsibilities and no real cares.

Don't get me wrong, I don't actually wish I was twenty again, but some days that simpler 

carefree time sure does appeal to me.

Today is one of those days, and this is one of those weeks.

So instead, today I will fold laundry, go through school papers and answer 50 emails, 

while watching/listening to the Gilmore Girls.... 

Taking off in my car for a random road trip will just have to wait until another day, huh?

Sigh.

Oh well.

Ever have these days... weeks... feelings... thoughts?

Ever feel like hiding under the covers and never coming back out?

Please tell me I'm not alone.

Mom Stuff :: Back To School + I Love Jen Hatmaker

This is Day #7 for the kids back at school.
It's going well.
They are happy to be back at school.... I am happy that they are back at school.
It's a win-win situation.

Here's the thing-
We really weren't even at that point where it was the end of the Summer and they were ON MY LAST NERVE.
Not even there yet... and Boom... school started.
Life is funny and weird like that sometimes, huh?


I absolutely, positively adore this post by Jen Hatmaker.
Go read it now, seriously.
I  LOVE her honesty, she says exactly what you're thinking and she cracks me up; this is my favorite part;

"Back me up: summer is too freaking long. Twelve weeks of this is unreasonable. 
What does summer think we are? Machines? 
Excuse me, but I've never done anything well for twelve straight weeks in my life."

{Reading to me, instead of watching TV}

I can so relate.
I love how real she keeps it.
But we're back in the swing of things around here-- new schedules, teachers, routines... all of it.
We're back to our  No Tv Rule  Monday-Thursday and back to homework again too, unfortunately.
I really need a new organizational system for papers, art work, things to keep, schedules... I think mine last year started out okay but didn't
work so good long-term. 
Any suggestions?
Ideas?
Pointers?
What do you do to keep all of the school stuff together, anyway?
:::::::::::::::::::::

Well, I'm off to enjoy the peace and quiet for approximately five more hours and then I'll be the awesome mom that will have the homemade chocolate
chip cookies ready for the kids when they get home from school... if I have all of the ingredients, which I probably don't, because I am actually
the unorganized hot mess of a mom in real life.
Oh well.

Have a great day!

Best. Day. Ever.

So, you know how when you are a kid and your parents never let you do certain things so you think these things
are really, super cool to let your kids do when you are the parent and make all the rules?
Yeah, that's kinda the rebellious child in me talking I guess.
Anyway- I have been telling the kids all school year that they each get one day to play hooky, one day that they are not sick
 in the least bit  that they can miss school. Just because.

Wednesday Wyatt had a doctor's appointment out of town so we decided it was a great day for him to
take his "free day".
We left at about 9:30 a.m. and didn't get home until 7:00 that night.
It was a full day and it was just the two of us which is really rare, like super rare... and maybe it has never actually
happened before. I'm sure it hadn't.

Our first stop was the Illinois State Capitol building.
It was busy and crowded and I really, really wished I could get in there by myself with my camera and
just look around and take pictures forever.

This was just our first stop-- there was also The Illinois State Museum, lunch, The Military Museum, the coffee shop for
coffee &  dessert and then finally the book store before we headed for home.
Wow. We crammed a lot into one day, huh?

Wyatt told me multiple times that this was "the best day ever" and thanked me for everywhere I took
him and everything we did. That boy is so sweet and appreciative. I love that boy.
We have to go back in 6 weeks for another appointment and he is already planning what we can do that day.
There is a whole lot more pictures form the rest of our day but I'll save those for another time.
It really was the best day ever, for both of us.

******
Happy Sunday.