I have a confession.
I have started this post in my mind one hundred times, or something like that.
I just haven't been able to write it....for several reasons.
I don't want to be judged.
I don't want to sound like a whiny brat.
I don't really want to admit that I have always kind of known that the silver lining to this time in my life might just be the bit
of freedom I would have to do do that one awesome thing I always wanted to do...
AND now it's here and I have done absolutely nothing with it.
I am embarrassed that other people, maybe like you, with little kids at home all day, are thinking "Well, I wish I had that problem..."
or "Must be nice..." while rolling your eyes at me.
It's okay, I would totally do it, too.
Wait-- I think I do. To myself.
I feel stuck.
In my life, with my life... I feel stuck. There, I said it.
Not stuck as in I Want Out .... but stuck as in I am kind of frozen in one spot, not moving and not sure
where to go/what to do next... that kind of stuck. It really kinda sucks. A whole, whole lot.
I am at the end of my 30's, which is scary...my baby is in kindergarten... I am not working... I'm not sure what I want to do with
my life... and I am not having any more kids.
Throw into the mix that I have now been off of my anxiety/panic medication for 3-4 months now and you have got one
Big, Fat Ugly Mess.
I have been jokingly(and not-so-jokingly) been saying that I am having a mid-life crisis and after doing a little reading on it
and understanding that this is a "normal transitional period" in my life, is making me feel a little bit better, maybe a little
less dumb....just a little.
The funny(and kind of sad) thing is that if I was talking to a friend I would point out that; this is normal and not to be ashamed
and of course you're not ungrateful for your life and Yes, I do understand...No, you're not crazy-Well, maybe a little but
it's the good kind of crazy..."
But it is different when it is YOU, huh?
It shouldn't be, but it is.
As women we are so hard on ourselves, I know I am guilty of it for sure.
Why do we do it?
The good thing...
It's a transitional period, right?
Which means it won't last forever, right?
I mean that's what they say(whoever they are) and I'm banking on it.
It's gotta be true.