Letting Go.

 

I'm not sure why, but sometimes it is difficult to let go of a bad mood and negative feelings...even when you want to. That is how I've been feeling all week-down, negative but not wanting to be. The weather here has been dreary, foggy, raining or drizzling all week long and I know we have not seen the sun in an entire week, minimum.Yesterday after a bit of a rough day here I decided that we had to get out of the house, get some fresh air and try to get out of this funk, no matter what.  We bundled up in old clothes and headed to the park. As soon as we got there the kids started jumping in puddles, hitting little spots of ice with sticks and just running. I decided right then that I did not care how messy they got, how dirty the car got and knew that they would be getting right into the bathtub as soon as we walked in the door. And I was fine with it. At one point I looked over at Charlotte and asked her what she was doing, she answered; "Smelling the fresh air."

By the time we left the park I had to strip the outer layer of clothes off of them right in the parking lot-  off with the boots, coats, socks, mittens, hats...everything.They got to ride the few blocks home in long underwear and had to be carried in the house. Charlotte's pigtails were dripping mud. I almost forgot how good it feels to let go and just go with it, I'm so glad I was reminded yesterday.

In A fUnK

The last few weeks I have realized that I basically have no personal schedule, no alarm is being set, there is no job to go to, and I really have nowhere that I have to be. I'm just staying home today. Again.

I thought I was adjusted to this reality but maybe I'm not completely. I am finding myself in a bit of a funk because of this I think, not sure what to do...floundering a little? For the past few years I have only worked part-time, 12.75 hours to be exact, which was basically 2 or 2 1/2 days a week, so I was home a lot before, most of the time. I mean,  it's not like I was working 40 (or even 20) hour work-weeks and am now finding myself in a totally different place.  This school year is my first time staying all-the-way-home with the kids.  It's a good thing. I wanted to be at home by the time Wyatt started preschool and I am. My job was cut due to state funding being cut but I have now had an opportunity to go back to my same job pretty much but I don't want to. And it's not that I can't adjust to being at home with the kids necessarily, I think it's more that I have nowhere to be, nowhere to go and it's driving me a little crazy and  it has allowed me to become lazy. Way too lazy.

And when I say "Just staying home with the kids" it's not that I think my job at home isn't important, it's just that every day now kind of feels like  a day off of work....but that it's temporary. And it's not.

Does that make any sense?  Does anyone else know what I mean?
Well, I have made the executive decision that it is high time to get out of this daily funk and get on some kind of schedule for myself. And I am going to set my alarm right now.

I hope I remember what it sounds like.