Parenting :: On The Pope and Ass-Kicking and Ruining My Kids For Good

{ That's a big and kinda scary title, huh? }


Some days parenting and being The Mom is so hard.
Some days it is almost effortless.
Some days I want to scoop the kids up and take off for the country,  never to be seen again.
Away from people and other kids and school and TV and electronics and everything.
E  v  e  r  y  t  h  i  n  g.
Some days I couldn't be happier right where we are- in this stage of our lives and their lives and just all of it.
Some days I feel pretty proud of my kids and where they are and how they are doing...
and even, dare I say, a tiny bit proud of the job we are doing as parents.
Then the next day I realize, and have a  major freak out in my head, that I am ruining the kids.
RUINING THEM.


I'm not doing the right things with them, teaching them what's important, we're not going to church regularly, I don't have answers
for the hard
questions and more often than I would like I have to,  I tell them that "I'll get back to you on that one."
But then I forget to.
They've not yet played a team sport(either of them!) or any kind of sport for that matter.
They have never had a puppy or flown on an airplane.
They've never set foot inside a Chuck E. Cheese and might even think we don't have one at all in the state of Illinois.
I am not strong in the patience department, it's one of my worst faults.
If I can't show them patience as I should... will they be able to have/show patience?

Charlotte recently asked my mom(when my mom mentioned the Pope in conversation and described him as wearing a white robe and a big pointy hat):
"You mean like a wizard?"
Yikes.
#Mom(ThatWasRaisedCatholic)Fail.
I mean... that's just wrong... they should know this... that's  MY JOB.
What else don't they know, that they SHOULD know??


Some days I want to go over to school and literally threaten the bratty kid who made an inappropriate gesture/was mean to/used bad +
inappropriate language in front of my kid.
He doesn't need to know this stuff yet!
That's it, I'm homeschooling!
Private school!
And the next day when my child comes home from school with a bruise on his leg from being kicked by a classmate I want to go
physically kick the kid's ass.
Like I actually envision myself kicking an 8-year old's ass. And that's kinda wrong.
But then my child tells me that he kinda pinched the kid first, just lightly and in a kidding way.
And I tell him;  "I bet you keep your hands to yourself next time then, huh?"
But I'm not sure which way is right-- that or whoopin' the classmate's ass ?!


I want to teach them the right way, the appropriate way....
But sometimes that's just really hard.
And don't worry, these ass-kickin' fantasies stay in my head and are not uttered in front of the kids,
I promise.

////////////


And my brain isn't like this every day,  don't worry.
I am pretty laid back in general.
And I'm a laid back parent, no helicopter parenting going on over here.
But still.
Some days it's enough to drive you crazy.
And on those days.... there'd better be a bottle of wine in the house.
Or two.

Confessions Of A 'Selfish' Mom

Alone time is a necessity for me.
Quiet time, all alone. 
QUIET. ALONE : Two absolutely heart-fluttering, magical words.

I know as women and moms we always joke about needing to get away from it all and; "Calgon, take me away" and all that jazz, 
but I'm not joking or laughing about it... It's not a far-off, daydreaming kind of want... 
it's real. 
I need it... and I have to get it when I can...any way that I can.
I mean... I'm not leaving the kids home alone and going for a drive, don't get me wrong, but when I feel like I really just need to
get  AWAY,  like right  now,  that's where I go.

Being super busy and having a mile long mental to-do list causes major stress for me.
Major.
It makes me edgy and anxious and left feeling a lit bit defeated-- because I just don't think I'm going to get it all done.
Well, because... I usually don't.
Then, I feel kinda mad at myself for letting it get me stressed and snappy and bitchy... ya know?
That's just how I work... and I don't love it, but I can sometimes(not always) figure out how to get myself out of it and I figure instead
of beating myself up over it, I need to do the best I can do...  and just handle it.

And do what needs to be done, which is,  get some time to myself.

Here's the part where I know I probably differ from a lot of other moms with the whole needing alone time thing;
I need time to myself,  for myself... And I do not feel guilty about it. 
I don't.
I'm not saying I never did, but I am saying that I do not feel guilty now.
I do not feel guilty for wanting + needing ALONE TIME, or AWAY TIME-- it makes me a better person, a better mom, a better
wife and friend, it is what I need.

To a lot of other women/moms, this sounds so SELFISH.
That's always really interesting to me, that we immediately feel, or are made to feel, selfish when we say that we need something for ourselves.
Like being mothers forfeits our right to anything that is just for US and no one else.
I'm not buying it, I could not disagree more.

Yes, we often come last, yes we have a million things to do for others all the time... But it doesn't mean that we should neglect what we need.
My personal theory is that if you do that long enough, you will pay the price.


-By not knowing who YOU are, you may not know what your own real interests are- what you want to do/make/be/love

-By not taking the time to connect with friends or taking the time to be a good friend to others will only hurt us eventually.
If we do not take time for our friendships, we will not have really good + true friends when we NEED them the most

-We will not have any outside interests that are necessary to our well-being-- that fill us up creatively, spiritually, intellectually, etc.

- By never taking time for ourselves we are not setting a good example for our children.

- By never taking time for ourselves we are never giving ourselves a chance to truly feel recharged and  refreshed and ready for all of the daily
  demands in our lives

I'm not here to give advice, I'm just hear to listen to myself talk, really.... 

But I really do feel strongly about this-- "Selfish" does not have to be a dirty word, and when

I say "selfish" I don't necessarily mean the dictionary's definition, 

but; self-care, not depriving ourselves of what we need because we are 

too busy or not as important as everything else we have to do... that's my made-up definition.

:::::::::::::::::::::

This weekend I hope to be able to squeeze in a little time for coffee with a friend, a solo drive 

through the country, a walk through my favorite cemetery or a little have a little time to sit by 

myself at the lake with a cup of coffee and a book...

Any of those will do.

Just give me two hours, I will feel like a new person!

Do you get solo time?

Enough of it?

What do you love to do when you have a couple of free hours all to yourself?

Do tell!