When You Don't Thrive On Being "Busy" + Why It Is Okay

This topic is something that is on my mind more often than not because it's something I feel like I am forced to think about
nearly every single day in one way or another.
Our days are busy.
The world is busy, busier than  e  v  e  r .
All my friends and family are busy, everyone on social media is so busy, we are so busy that we all talk about it- a lot.
Too much.
I feel like some people wear the whole "OhmyGodwehavebeensooobusy" thing like a badge of honor.
Like that's how it's supposed to be, like it's a good thing.
But it's not and I'm not buying it- or wearing the badge.

I am feeling overcommited and overscheduled and if I am honest I will tell you that I don't like this feeling at all.
Not at all.
I feel rushed and stressed and like I am barely holding it all together some days.

We live in an age of Parenting that tells us more is best.
Your child wants to play baseball?
Sign him up!
He wants to be in band?
And soccer?
And Boy Scouts?
Sign him up!
Oh- your daughter does, too?
Well we don't want her to feel left out, so sign her up, too.
Everyone is doing it and it wouldn't be fair to not let them do an activity that they really want to  do....
And God forbid we tell our kids NO.
Regardless of the cost it is to the whole family.
And by cost I don't even mean financial cost.

On a personal note-

The cost of being so busy and over scheduling my kids to the point that I can't have dinner with friends just one time a month, or see
a movie every other month or be able to return a phone call within the week or answer texts from my best girlfriends, is just not worth it to me.
So not worth it.
Because that is real life to me and that is what is important to me.
That right there is what fills me up, it's what gets me through the days and the weeks and the years.
And everybody knows that if Mama is stressed and worn out and doesn't get to fill up and recharge...
it's not good, not good for the whole family.

The cost of being so busy can easily mean that by bedtime I am too tired/stressed/worn out to
read with my kids, to talk to them about what is going on at school and to look at one of their stories, drawings/Lego creations--
For maybe the 500'th time... But who's counting.
To watch a movie together as a family, or play a game or just lay in bed and talk to them.

The older my kids get, the busier things feel for sure.
I really kind of hate it.
A lot.
There is more homework and now there's orchestra and Student Senate and Brownies and tumbling... the list goes on.
For selfish reasons I don't want to be running my kids back and forth every night of the week to multiple things and getting home only
in time to eat, bathe and go to bed.
I also don't want that because I know it's not the best thing for our whole family.
I want my kids to know that family time is important, friend time is important, getting away is important, doing absoultely nothing
is important-- I also want them to know that doing what everyone else is doing or letting yourself be a slave to "doing it all" is so
not important.

These are the days that my kids still want to be at home doing things with their family.
Wyatt turned ten last week and I have had to face the fact that the teenage years willl be here in
approximately three years... things will be different then.
I want to take full advantage of these days and years and moments.
I know that I do not want to realize a few years from now that I couldn't be a good friend, or a mom
that was just a little less stressed, a wife/sister/daughter/aunt that was rarely "present" because I was just so damn busy.

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I could keep going on this topic for days + days, you guys.
I will stop now- but tell me what you think, what you really think...Do you feel this pressure, how do you manage it and deal with, how do
you keep yourself and your family in check?
Or is it something you need to work on?

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts on this subject! 

Just Hanging Out On My Soap Box....

Hey there.
Good morning.
So, you saw the title.
I am totally all up on my soap box this morning so if you are not in the mood for that kinda post...
well, you know.
This is not meant to come off as a lecture, just a little venting and a reminder---for myself included because I am guilty of judging as well, I admit it.
And it's not a good trait.

This was already on my mind lately because I keep seeing these e-cards on facebook-you know the
one about the person on their iPhone while using a Link Card--- and then an interaction at the
grocery store yesterday left me feeling bad and sad and wondering what will become of this
crazy world...
Yes, all of this from needing milk, cheese, tortillas, bread and grapes.
Good Lord, keep this mama out of the grocery store!
I am talking about women + men and families and children and public aid, government assistance,
food stamps(or Link Cards) as we call them here.

Yesterday a woman in line ahead of me at the store had a shopping cart filled with food and was
paying with her Link Card(food stamps).
And Yes, she fit the "stereotype" many of us have in our heads as someone who relies on government assistance; she had
several kids with her, she was a very young mom and she appeared to be pregnant.
As she was shuffling her kids and pushing her cart out of the check-out the woman behind me
made a "ughhhhhhh" sound and rolled her eyes at the girl so I would see.
I could hear the woman huffing behind me a couple of times and I purposely would not turn
around to make eye contact with her.
Then when I was paying the woman made a comment to the cashier somewhere along the lines of
"Well, it must be nice...."
That's all I heard.
This, my friends,  makes my blood boil.
The judging of people that we do not know.
People whom which we have absolutely NO idea of what their story is, or their circumstances.
It makes me sad.

And it makes me wonder...
Could we never, ever imagine ourselves in a situation where we would need some type of assistance? A helping hand of some sort?
Are we really that far removed from "people like that'?
I know I'm not.
Could a job loss, separation/divorce, abusive relationship, catastrophic illness or other family hardships not land
us there in that same place one day?
It could.
Is it only because people "don't want to work"?
I don't think so.
My husband has been looking for a different job since he graduated with his Masters Degree a year
and a half ago with no luck.
Thankfully he has a job, but it just goes to show that actively looking for a job right now does not
necessarily mean you will find one.
Could I sit here and say that I could never, ever imagine myself in a similar situation?
Absolutely not.

And what gives us the right to judge like this, anyway?
It is not my place.
Do I think we have a serious problem in this country as far as people using our welfare system as a
way of life rather than a means-to-an-end in a temporary situation?
Absolutely.
Do I think that women purposely have children knowing they have no way to support them but knowing that
they can rely on government assistance?
Absolutely.

I am not naive or clueless to this way of life, I am not the white mom in the suburbs that has no idea
what goes on in "those kinds of homes" or with "those kinds of people".
I have seen a lot of it and have been in their homes and know a lot of "those" families.
I have worked with many, many women and children that were in this exact situation and many or
most of them did have children knowing this way of life was how they would get by.
It is a cycle and a way of life and it is sad. And depressing.
And yes, very frustrating.

I don't have the answers.
And I do not think it is a problem that our government can simply fix and I don't think that judging people
when we do not know their individual situations, 
is going to fix it, either.
I will also not sit here and say that I have never ever judged, of course I have.
But I guess what really got to me and what made me just feel really sad and discouraged was that
this was a woman saying this within ear shot of another woman, another mom.
And within ear shot of her little kids.
Sure, they probably didn't hear her and if they did they probably didn't understand,  they were
pretty little, but still.

Like I said, I don't have the answers...and I don't think there is just one.
I think it has a lot to do with poverty and parenting, hardship, culture, self-respect, self-esteem,
education or lack there of, family situations, generational cycles, single-parenting, poverty,
absentee fathers....the list goes on.

I was raised in a two-parent middle class home.
My parents are still married.
My dad always worked and my mom didn't work until we were older.
We never wanted for anything, we have a large extended family and lots of support.
And as adults, with families of our own, we still have it.
Everyone cannot say the same thing.
Lots of people, like the mom from the grocery store, may not be able to say that even ONE thing
on my short list is true for her.
Not even one.

It's just something to think about.