One Hundred Days Without Pop

I can't even BELIEVE I just typed that. 

I have actually gone 100 days without pop(you say soda, I say pop...), as of last Wednesday, which means now I am at about 105 days.

I am seriously in shock because there's no way I thought I could do that... Like ever... 

No seriously, like ever-ever.
I know it sounds silly or like no big deal to people who don't get it, if you don't drink pop, just substitute your drink of choice/whatever habit you think you can't break and look at it from that point of view. My first goal was to make it for one week and then I just kept making another goal from there...
One week, thirty days, 45 days, until the next holiday, etc. until I got to 100 days.
Before I got to 100 days I told myself that once I made it there I would let myself have a Dr.Pepper(my drink of choice) and then only have them on occasion after that. I still haven't had one though.
I'm not even going to lie though, I have fantasized regularly about diving head first into a giant pool of Dr. Pepper. Naked.

For me, it's not like the desire to drink pop has gone away, it really hasn't and I don't think it will really.
It has lessened and obviously I know now that I can do it, but it still SOUNDS good.
You know how people will stop drinking diet coke or whatever and then they will be like;
"I never even wanted another one and now it's been 3 years...." Gag.
Yeah.... No. That's not me.
So I already drank a good amount of water anyway and I have just started drinking a lot more now.
I also make Crystal Light Peach Mango Green Tea because water just gets old all the time.
My new favorite and the reason I think I can go a while longer without drinking pop, is because of this, above.
THIS is what I have been missing, the fizzy carbonation and now I have it again in these La Croix drinks, they are just sparkling water with natural flavors and carbonation. Yum. Perfect.

So yeah, I am pretty proud of myself.
Usually I think I am going to try something like this and I last a week... maybe a little more, maybe less.
I always say that I have no will power and that I can't stick to anything... Because I usually can't...
But I just did.
My goal here wasn't to stop drinking pop forever, but to cut way back and to cut it out completely for a while because I thought that was necessary for me to be able to start having it only on occasion or as more of a "treat".
Before this I was not drinking it daily, maybe every other day to every few days, and just one a day when I did.
Now I would feel okay with myself if I did have a Dr. Pepper, i really would, but I think I am just going to hold out until I feel like I can't any longer, and I am just not there quite yet.

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Now I am thinking about what else I can do or not do for the next 100 days... I am thinking seriously on this. I have a little more confidence in myself than before now.
Have you cut out something or started doing something daily instead,  like this before?
Broke a tough habit or added a new healthier/better one?
I'm gonna think on this one...




Happy Monday to you!

A Little Bit Of Everything

Good morning. 
So it's Thursday which means it is almost Friday, which means... The weekend is just around the corner. That is a good thing because it's just been a bit of a rainy, dreary + somewhat depressing week and going back to work after a week off is never easy anyway.
I am up early this morning and let me just say that I am doing pretty damn good with the whole being able to get myself up and out of bed lately.
When I do get up early, I have been trying to get up by 5:20ish and I have to say that I feel really good when I do. It starts my whole day off right.
My next step is to actually get up, get out of my pajamas and exercise a couple mornings a week.
I'll get there, but man...that one is tough. Oh how I do love staying in my pajamas in my quiet house while everyone else is asleep.

This week there are so many little things and big things running around in my head- just life things.
Important and not important things, but there's a lot there, swirling around.
This is the time when I know it is good for me to get some quiet time to myself, to get some perspective. Away.
I thought vacation would do it- But come on now, what was I thinking?
Vacation is good for many, many reasons but rest, quiet and relaxation would not be one of them, unless you went on vacation alone. Right?

Last night Wyatt and I went to see Jurassic World, just the two of us.
Let me just say that this is not something I would normally go see, I actually don't even think that I have ever seen the first Jurassic Park all the way through- or maybe I have only seen previews?
Anyway, I knew Wyatt wanted to see it and it was a great night, just the two of us.
And the movie?
It was pretty entertaining and since it wasn't my usual kind of movie to see, I probably liked it even more.
Afterwards I asked Wyatt to indulge me in a country drive because it was almost sunset and I was looking for some wildflowers and it was the perfect evening for it. He did.

I love having time with just one of the kids, it's just different. And good.
He indulged me for quite some time and then of course I ended up driving wayyy farther than I planned to and eventually he put on his headphones and watched some of The Lone Ranger and I drove in silence for a while.

This beautiful sunset we saw and all the bunnies at sunset and driving down roads with cornfields on both sides and whatever was blooming that smelled so sweet.... was just perfect. All of it.
Last week when we were driving through the mountains I was so happy to see something other than cornfields and soybean fields and just something different. It was refreshing.
BUT last night I was happy to be able to see wide open flat land whee you can see the entire sunrise and sunset....and the fields and all of the memories I have attached to cornfields in general.
Silly childhood memories that make me smile.

On the hard days you have to look for little pieces of beauty where you can find it...
Even if that means in the tie-dye, sunburst oil puddle in the parking lot of the thrift store.
Gotta do what ya gotta do, right?

And lastly, my pitcher of wildflowers from the night before, cut hurriedly from the sides of the country roads.
These make me just too happy. I love the wildflowers that grow along the roadsides and if I lived in the country I would cut some for the house(and myself) every single day.
Also- If I keep getting up so early I think I am going to have to start having a second cup of coffee some days, usually I only have one.
By the time the kids get up and I am getting ready for work a few hours have passed already since my first cup and I find myself wanting a second.

If you are still reading here, thanks for reading.
Some days I have a million things to say, some days nothing, many days there are things I would like to share but don't... And still more days when I wonder if I want to continue writing/sharing here or not at all anyway.
Enough of my rambling though....
Have a great day!

Lately...

Lately my mind goes from wanting to relax and enjoy the days away on the porch swing, to wanting to pack everything
up(okay, not everything)
and go on an adventure somewhere for a month with my family.

Then right back to wanting to float on a raft all Summer in the backyard, sunbathing.
Then right back to wanting to pack up everything and take a road trip with my girlfriends to Nashville to get away and think and sleep
in and have no responsibilities--- and, and.....

My mind is constantly going from one thing to the next.
Lists of what needs to be done, to tearing up the lists because I don't seem to have any time or motivation to do it all anyway.
It's not an even a "funk" which I will definitely fall into sometimes.
It's not unhappiness either.
Do you ever have times like this where you can't figure how you feel or what's going on...
Maybe you're feeling stuck or ready for a change... or something but you just don't know what?

Or is it just me and I am totally and completely nuts?
You know that's definitely a possibility, too....

That's just where I am lately. 

And I think it's okay to be here and just try to figure it all out as I go. 

Scratch That.

Hey there.
Happy Friday from Central Illinois where it is almost   FIFTY DEGREES  today.
Yes, I really just said that.... 50* and sunny today ... and I couldn't be happier!

///////////

So I didn't even last a day on my whole "Week In The Life" thing I talked about in my last post....
not even one damn day.
Instead of half-assing it and not really do a great job I just let it go and decided instead that I will do A Day In The Life
this coming Saturday March 8.
A DAY in the life should be doable... very doable I think. I hope.
I will attempt to document the day, the whole day, in pictures and notes and I will blog about it on Monday March 10.
My blogging/IG friend Tara is doing it, too... which is good because I can definitely use the encouragement.
Don't let me fail, Tara! 

I think I can totally do a day though... and a daily self-portrait challenge, I've already taken a self-portrait(I kinda hate the word selfie...
I''m too old for that) every day in March so far.
I'm also looking for some other good ideas for a year-long project... just ONE photo a day with my iphone or Nikon.
A Not-Quite-365, if you will.
Are you doing one or have you seen any cool ideas for one?
I need some GREAT ideas!

//////////////////////////////


So for tomorrow I am charging up my Nikon and I am ready to document our whole day.
I would LOVE to make it into a small book when I am done.
I am excited about tomorrow because we are going to watch the Polar Plunge tomorrow and tomorrow night the kid's cousins are
spending the night with us.
It should be a fun day!


HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!
Any big, exciting plans?

Week In The Life :: March 2014

Hello,  Monday.
Hello,  Week In The Life Day 1.
My week will be Monday 3- Sunday March 9.
Are you familiar with the Week In The Life project?
You can read more about it here, this is the second time I am attempting it... I did it for the first time in September, about 6 months ago,
almost exactly I guess.
And I completed it, for which I was/am so proud of myself for.
Little things folks, little things.


Lately I have been in such a rut, photography-wise, creativity-wise.... Maybe even just life-wise?
I have been needing a project, a goal, a challenge of some sort, so this is it.
I am in need of some real changes, really in all areas of my life,  and this is just a baby step towards getting myself out of this damn
rut already.

I know everyone does this differently, and I don't have any super lofty goals... I just want to capture the little everyday moments of

my day-to-day life and I want to FINISH.

That's all really.

I want to do it and I want to complete it.

So for the next week my Nikon and my iphone will be charged and by my side.... documenting all of those little moments that make up

these days,  that tells a little bit of the story of my life in March of 2014.

One thing I did not do enough of last time, that I am definitely going to try to beef up on this time, is taking more notes.

My memory is not great and I want to remember what our mornings were like, what kind of homework the kids(just Wyatt really) were doing,

what our after school activities were, what the kid's favorite after-school snacks were and what I normally packed in their lunches.

What exactly I did with my days, just exactly when did I work and how... so many little details you think you will never forget.

So... wish me luck!

Today is Day 1, so you know I will have lots of motivation today... let's just hope it lasts for the next week.

I can totally do this.

I AM doing this.

Anyone have any advice, tips, pointers, etc. for me on the is little project??

//////////

Happy Monday, y'all.

Some Days....

Some days it is necessary to drop your own weekday TV ban and snuggle up on the couch
while it's snowing and watch Ramona & Beezus with the kids after school.

And some days it's necessary to buy yourself carnations at the grocery store ....
and the Spring issue of Martha Stewart Living and eat gummy bears when you just started to
try and eat healthier(ummm... like just yesterday).

Some days you cross your fingers and pray for snow because all that white would be a hell of a lot
more cheerful + uplifting than these depressing gray skies.

Some days you actually fantasize about driving yourself to the tanning spa(they do still exist, right?)
in the freezing cold to lay in a tanning bed just so you can feel the warmth of the artificial sun.

Some days it is necessary to forgo dinner plans and just let the kids have bagels and oatmeal for supper instead.


Some days the only thing you can do is pretty much let it all slide- the meals, the plans, the project
you promised yourself  you would start today and put on your headphones and listen to your favorite song as loud as you can,
while standing at the sink doing the dishes.

Happy Wednesday, friends.
What do you need to let go of today? ... Because I totally give you permission to do it.
Go ahead and do something you really want to do instead.
You're Welcome.

Just Me.

So,  last week I was trying to update-- or maybe just revise my whole "about me" page here on the
old blog and I found it a little difficult to do.
I'd start and stop, erase it, start over.
Is that weird?
It feels dumb and uncomfortable and hard to write about myself like that.
I mean, obviously I talk about myself here all the time, but writing a summary of yourself is different.

So here is my new and improved(?) ME page... maybe it will give people just a little better idea
about who I am or what I am about besides just the surface basic things like; 'I Love Coffee' and
 'I love My Family'. Obviously.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hi there.
Wanna know just a little bit about me?

I married my sweet husband many, many years after he threw a beer bottle and accidentally
hit me in the head with it at a college party(he was in college, my young self was still in high
school). We started dating many years after that. It took a while to get past it.
True story.
If I didn't marry him I would have married Eddie Vedder.
We have two kids and went through a big, old infertility mess to get the first one.
Child #2 was a complete and total surprise. Wouldn't ya know?
I love music. Love, love, love, music...and art...and photography.

And creative-type people.
And scratchy old records.
I love anything from The Cure to the Grateful Dead, Edith Piaf, Prince, Tom Petty, Dinah Washington,

Ryan Adams, Jay-Z and Fleetwood Mac...  

with a little bit of everything else in between.

I love 80's movies and alternative 80's music.
I am a child of the 70's-- Volkswagen's, bell-bottoms, roller skates and love beads?
Yes, please!
Biggest struggles for me?
Weight and crazy anxiety + panic kind of stuff. Not fun. Neither of them.
If I could be anyone in a movie, who would it be?
Kate Hudson as Penny Lane in Almost Famous. Sigh.
I love anything old with chippy paint that tells a story.
Having my own Etsy shop is the perfect excuse to thrift, antique and rummage sail all the live-long
day. Best thing ever.
I like to take lots + lots + lots of pictures.
My Nikon is what I refer to as my "big camera", the rest are taken with my iphone.
I am mildly obsessed with Instagram, so much fun.
I live in Central Illinois with my husband, kids and 14-year old beagle, Phoebe.
We live in a 90+ year old house that is a work in progress...huge understatement. HuGe.
I am not the girl who always dreamed of her wedding day.
No fancy white dress for me, we got married in the backyard of our first house and I wore a blue dress.
Dive bar or dance club?
Dive bar! Dirty, dark, little dive bar with a really good jukebox and my best girlfriends.
Some may say I am a smart ass a tiny bit sarcastic, a little shy, a little crazy, a little creative,
a little sweet + a little not right.

I love my friends and family beyond measure.
I am passionate about keeping it real here on my blog and in real life... no pretending to be someone
I am not, no competing or keeping up with anyone.
This mama is way too old for that.
I do not care what everyone else is doing, here or in real life, I will usually be doing the opposite.
I really do dream of one day owning my own margarita machine.
And travelling cross-country with my family in a VW bus.
Dreamin' big, y'all.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now I think you should leave me a totally random fact, fear, love, dream or confession about YOU.

Okay...GO.

Thinking Outside The Box....

So I think I am totally used to the kids being in school now.
I think this is the beginning of Week 5....I think.
They are loving it and all is going well.
I am not walking around in a complete fog wondering WHAT to do with myself.
Well, wait-- I kind of am but not because of the kids not being here but because I am trying to figure out what on earth to do with myself.
I need a job.
I know I said that here in this post, that I thought I needed to work to keep myself sane and not
be inside my cukoo-crazy-head too much but now I really need a job, as in I need a little income.


Up until a couple of weeks ago I worked about 4-5 hours per week in the evening, just two nights a week after Eric got home from work.
I never talked about it here because I worked alone in a building by myself after dark and although I
am not super-paranoid, I do watch TV and I knew better than to announce to the world wide web that I was alone in a building at night.
Now that I am not doing that anymore, which is for the best, I am definitely missing the extra bit of income.

So, the big question is...What to do now?
It's tough.
It needs to be super flexible, just a couple of days a week.
I need to be able to help out at school, and be here to get the kids to and from school.


I do not feel like I am ready to go back to my "real job" which was working for the school
district in more of an outreach/human services kind of job....or when/if I will ever be ready for that again.
Here's the thing-- and I feel a tiny but guilty admitting this out loud because I have a lot of compassion for those in need,
especially children and mothers in need/crisis, but I realized after I stopped working that I
was really getting burned out on that job.
The people and the depressing circumstances and the families we were supposed to be helping but when it came right down to it you never
really knew if you made a difference at all or not....
it's a lot. I needed a break in a serious way.
That being said, I do think there is a good possibility that I will eventually want to do something like that again, but maybe not just yet.
But who knows?

So, I am trying to think outside the box and come up with something that would fit the bill for all
of the above.
I am open to just about anything-- just about.
Okay- maybe not anything : )
I am also brainstorming things I can do here at home or with my shop because I feel like the timing could be a really good
opportunity for me....yikes... so much to think about.

Anyone else currently in this situation?
Any advice/thoughts/ideas?

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Happy, happy Monday!

What A Week

Yesterday was better than Wednesday.
Thank you so much for all of your comments and encouragement, I really appreciate it.
It's really nice to feel like I have my very own little cheering little section, it makes me feel better.
This is all just a big change and we will be fine, I just keep telling myself that.

Yesterday morning I decided I needed to get out of the house for a while.
First I made a quick coffee stop, then a couple of thrift stores where I found a couple of really good things
that I was excited about.
Then a drive through the cemetery, camera in hand.

After that I came home and picked up around the house and did a little shop work.
I listened to music and edited pictures and took pictures of some things to go in my shop.
I tried to enjoy my quiet time and not worry about what was going on at school.
I watched Tv... like grown-up Tv.
I never, ever watch Tv until about 9:00 at night after everyone is settled into bed and I don't have to
worry about what they might see/hear.
I watched/listened to a few episodes of American Dreams while I worked because I LOVE that show.
Did anyone else out there ever watch it? I think I was the only one maybe .
Oh man, it is such a good show. Love that time period and the clothes and music...all of it.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And now a few of my FAvoRitE instagrams form the past week...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

13 Things

13 random, just-popped-into-my-head as I am typing kind of things....

wanna join in? leave your 13 random things in the comments...or even just one or two.

1. i kind of really like the brad paisley song mud on the tires...and i am not even a BP fan, 

or a modern country music fan, for that matter. can we still be friends? please?

2. i love to see the sun rise, just love it.

3. i really wanna go to craft weekend. i am on the waiting list.....

4. one day i will have a margarita machine in my house.

5. i love freshly bathed kids in their pajamas.

6. next month is my 12th anniversary...how in the hell did that happen?

7. i love cereal and never get tired of frosted mini-wheats. yum.

8. i have another library fine, this time it might be worse than before. i know, i know...

9. i am terrible with directions and love the compass on my iphone, i think it just

might have kinda changed my life. it's the little things, friends.

10. flowers make me happy--daisies, peonies, sunflowers, zinnias....i will take them all

11. i know it's wrong but i kinda love the show mob wives. trashy? 

 it sure is. i am not proud, just being honest.

12. i hate buying bras--who wants to spend a bunch of money on a bra? 

well, not me and they never fit perfectly which makes me like them even less.

13. we are planning a star wars backyard  party for the summer. i think i might even

  be more excited about it than the kids.

favorite bracelet.
"stronger than she thought"
oh yeah, i do love that.
from here. you should buy yourself one for mother's day.

************

happy wednesday.
11 more days until Summer vacation.
heyyyyyyyyyyy.

Letting It Go (and Insta-Friday)

When all of the leaves have fallen off of the trees and it's gray and cloudy and there is no
snow yet, everything looks so depressing.
And it is getting dark at 4:30 and the sun is barley shining all day long....it all feels
so "blah".
The in-between.
That's a little how I have been feeling myself this week, too.
Kind of in-between.
Not quite in a full-on funk, but heading that way.
Nothing serious, just a little "blah".

But.
But.
But.
I am trying to turn it around today.
I have to let all the crap from the week go today.
I will turn it around.
And look what we woke up to today.
Just a teeny-tiny dusting.
That's my holly bush by my front steps.

The "good car" (aka: not the Jeep) that started acting funny on our way to dinner last night ,which
forced us to turn around and go home instead?
I'm letting it go.
Engine light on, having to do a u-turn with cars backed up behind me instead of crossing the
interstate because I was afraid we were going to break down right then and there?
Wanting to cuss and or cry but instead putting on the "It's all good" face and matching attitude
for the  kids.
Letting it go.
Getting a $164 fine (when the letter stated it would be $35) with no warning from the City for
being 10-days late registering my dog?
Letting it go.
Lady from the City that I dealt with on the phone and in person yesterday that acted like I
personally owed her the $164....ummmm...ooooh, I am really trying and it might take a little bit
longer but I am going to let it go. 
Soon. I sware.

Moving right along.
There were some good things from this week though....

This makes me nervous.
I got a hot-flash when Charlotte showed me her picture of Santa last night.
Umm...this is the EXACT same ways she draws Eric every single time, with the spiky
sticking up black hair.
Oh no. This is just a coincidence, right?
Right? She just turned five.

The kids wrote letters to Santa last night.
Wyatt wrote his to "Satan" on accident ( I didn't even tell him) and Charlotte asked for a
pet rock for her brother and an Indian troll doll for herself.
Oh dear Lord.
She later revised her letter and asked for a penguin pillow pet and a vintage baby buggy.

This is where you can find me tonight.
On the couch, with my stack of Christmas magazines, watching The Holiday and swooning
over Jude Law while wishing I lived in a cottage in England.
But I will be drinking a glass of wine instead.

The sun is shining, at least for now.
I am going to go warm up my coffee and take a shower .
Having no car today means going nowhere, which means getting a lot done around
the house.
Which is much needed.
I am feeling a little bit better already.
Now, if I could just stop myself from fantasizing about giving the lady at the City building a good,
old-fashioned cussing out.....Oh well, I'm almost there.

Have a great day everyone. Hoooray for Friday!!!!!

Direction.

It is Tuesday night and after a long evening of haircuts and supper and cleaning up

 and dealing with two crazy dogs and baths and trying to figure out what needs to be on my

 grocery list for the week and watching a little bit of the Madeline movie 

and reading books before bed...

now I am sitting quietly on the couch by myself.

So quiet.

Eric has a late class so I am at it solo on Tuesdays.

So I make myself a cup of sleepytime vanilla tea and settle myself on the couch
under a big, warm blanket to do a little blog reading.

And when I do, I wonder the same thing that I have been wondering a lot lately. 

How do so many people seem to know what they should be doing out there...

the answers to big questions...and little questions...how do they know? 

Where they should be, what the next step is, where to go from here...

And just so this isn't confused as an  "I am unhappy with my life post"... it's not  that at all,

it's just more of a feeling of not knowing what's next in some ways for me and my little family.

Personally, I am talking about things like jobs and school decisions and where 

we go from here and what the future looks like and I have to say, I have no 

idea about any of it. Not a clue at the moment.

I hear (read) people saying things like; they were called to do it, they just knew it was meant

 to be, it was obvious to them it was the right decision....

And don't get me wrong, I believe them and I don't completely hate them for it....
but how do they know it is the right decision? 

The best decision?
And how come I don't seem to know anything for sure lately?

I don't expect a map to fall into my lap telling me each and every decision I should make, 

which path to take but I would just like a hint in the general direction.
Ya know?

And usually I don't get super hung up on these things, by nature I am just not a big planner.

There was never a hardcore timeline for marriage or kids or houses or  jobs or any of that for
me because although I think it's fine to make plans and have some direction,
 I know that life doesn't really follow the plan we often have in mind most of the time anyway.

But still.
It would be really awesome if the universe threw me a bone...
something...
anything?

Maybe I should have titled this "Directionless".
Yeah, I think that would have been more appropriate.
And totally unrelated, but kinda not, can I just tell you how much I love Parenthood?
I am kind of late coming in on this one, but I LOVE it.

Ps- I am so happy I get to catch little things like this every day.

Is It Friday Yet?!

I have to say that I am glad it is Friday because I am kinda ready to put this week behind me.
I just remembered that along with Wednesday's episode, I also forgot to play tooth fairy on Sunday night...what? ughhhhhhhh.
Good Lord, I need a vacation. Or something.
But first-- I have to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all the sweet comments yesterday.
I have to tell you, they truly made me feel better.
I know I might sound a tad bit melodramatic, but I felt just awful Wednesday night and Thursday.
Guilty, sad and a little depressed.
I can usually shake these feelings off pretty quickly but then sometimes it's harder.
I know it may sound like a small thing, but when you are feeling really bad about yourself and
you have people that want to make you feel better, who have kind words and encouragement,
that is really something to be thankful for.
And I am.

But today is a new day and I am moving on.
So, besides forgetting lots of important stuff and feeling super bad about my role as a parent,
this week I have also....

watched 5 episodes of Three's Company
got totally caught up on the laundry
cleaned up dog pee no less than 10 times
went out for a beer with a friend and didn't get home until 1:30 am
bought a few stocking stuffers for Christmas (!)
had my first peppermint mocha of the season
Read this book and loved it
went through the kid's clothes and finally switched them out for the season
Dropped off three bags of clothes/junk to be donated

So yeah, it has been a full week.
Not all bad.
Not all good.
I am ready for the weekend though, for real.
I think we might have a date night this weekend...fingers crossed on that one.
Apparently I need it.
Happy Friday everyone, hope you have a great weekend.


"Come and knock on our door....."

The Thankful Project {Day 2} ::
Thankful for kind words and encouragement