She's Gone

Monday, September 10, 2012

Do you know that feeling when you have been with the kids solo for several days and your husband
finally gets home and you are in the car peeling out of the driveway before anyone even realizes you are leaving?
I know you do.

That was me Sunday.
I had plans, big plans.
I was going to get several quiet, productive, relaxing hours to myself.
Oh, but wait. Before I get to that.....

We took a picnic lunch to the park on Sunday and the kids ran around and burned off some energy while I closed my eyes in the sun and took deep breaths
and listened to the kids run and laugh and scream.
If I'm honest I will also tell you that I was counting down the hours until Eric got home and plotting exactly what I was going to do with my few hours of time all to myself.
A couple days with a grumpy, stressed, nothing ever goes right(oh, poor me!) attitude had me in a funk
and I don't really enjoy the funk.

Here's the thing-- it's not even the kids 90% of the time, it is ME.
Sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow; to admit that maybe YOU are the problem and the kids are 
just being kids....and you just need to get over yourself.
Sure, there was a little too much fighting, teasing and whining-- but mostly, it was me.
For some reason I found myself in an on and off grumpy mood that I could not seem to shake, for a couple of days really, andI have come to know that it usually stems from stress. 
And is usually self-inflicted.

Later that night while editing these pictures I wondered how I could have even been grumpy?
It was a picture-perfect Fall day.
70*, breezy, sunny and perfect, look at these pictures.
And I was trying out my new lens I got in the mail on Saturday.
Life was good-- and yet I still could not shake the funk.

So I got myself ready- make-up on, presentable clothes(no yoga pants), hair semi-fixed.
Computer, charger, camera, headphones- everything I needed for a few hours to myself at Panera.
I got in the car; sun shining, windows down, absolutely perfect weather, turn on the radio and what do
I hear but the very beginning of "She's Gone" by Hall & Oates.
Seriously? Could it get any better? 
Hello, 1970's and a song you cannot listen to quietly but have to turn up as loud as you can and
sing along.
My funk is on it's way out, and fast, folks.

So I pull up to Panera, unload all my stuff and---> sign on the door says they closed early for
an employee training.Ughhhhhhhhh.
I would have kicked the tire and threw a fit had there not been people sitting at the tables out front.
But I quickly stopped feeling sorry for myself,  made a Plan B and looked up movies playing and saw that The Odd Life of Timothy Green
was starting right then, which meant that I could get across town by the time they played all
of those previews and still be on time. And right on time I was.

I liked the movie a lot.
I cried through a lot of it - but I think it was just my mood.

There is no moral to my story- just that sometimes it's hard to shake a funky mood even when everything around you is good.
And sometimes I feel super guilty for acting like a brat when I have no reason to.
And yes, I get stressed out and feel sorry for myself and some days I want to run away from it all but
I would not change one single thing about my life.

And if I had any singing ability what-so-ever, I would sing "She's Gone" by Hall & Oates at karaoke
one day.
After about four Blue Moons....and if I ever even went to karaoke in the first place.
Oh- and a shot or two.

ps- i hope to god the 70's mustache never comes back.
my dad had one and i just got the mental picture and it was not pretty.
not at all.


  1. I have a few of those 'on my own' days ahead.....Not looking forward to it.

  2. when i saw that movie i seriously thought it looked like your son!!! lovely flick. glad you know yourself well enough to pull out of a down day. it's okay to have some of those days. take care.

  3. I love everything about this post. I wish you lived in CA so we could go to karaoke and sing Hall & Oates. Or just drink Blue Moon.

    PS, those mustaches have totally come back under the guise of "hipster". YUCK.

  4. great post. I have had those days too...It's really nice to know I am not alone. I must say I do enjoy those alone times though. Have a good week. Mica

  5. no, the 70's stache must stay in the 70's. glad you got some time alone. a little time alone can cure almost anything.

  6. Dude. Days like that beg for hall & oates & alone time. I'm glad you are comin out of your funk. Funks suck. For lack of a better word. Sometimes I warn the kiddos like hey I'm in a funk, behave... lol. Does it work? meh.

    I hope today is sunshine & puppy dogs!

    Ps. I kinda dig the 70's stache. rawr!

  7. I hear ya.
    And oh, my dad still has the stache. Yeah.

  8. I'm in one of those funks right now, and desperately want one of those "on my own" days, too. Preferably with a Panera (that sounds so lovely) but I'm 3000 miles away from the nearest one!

    Oh, and those 'tashes? :shudders:

    Lovely pictures.

  9. I'm in one of those funks right now, and desperately want one of those "on my own" days, too. Preferably with a Panera (that sounds so lovely) but I'm 3000 miles away from the nearest one!

    Oh, and those 'tashes? :shudders:

    Lovely pictures.

  10. Oh girl, I agree it's usually never my's 100% ME!! Gorgeous pics...and I love Hall and Oats.

  11. what's wrong with the stache?


  12. I feel like that often. I know a big part if it is me, because it is. I promise myself all the time I will get better at it. But hey, let's be honest: sometimes the whining, fighting and noise levels are just a little too much. Let's cut ourselves some slack!

  13. I totally get you. 90% of the time it's me... It's not Max. He's just being a typical five year old boy. It's just me being an on edge, sensitive, over-reactive, crazy mom.
    Yep. Totally get you and everything you said.


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