I had a moment the other day.
It was one of those strange moments where you can almost see yourself, sitting there doing what
you are doing, but from the outside.
you are doing, but from the outside.
I was sitting at the kitchen table listening to music on my little wireless speaker that plays music from my phone.
I was trying to sew patches on Charlotte's Brownie vest about thirty minutes before her Girl Scout meeting started. I was doing a pretty bad job of it, too.
It's something I put off over and over- I do a pretty crappy job, I can never find needles, or the badges and mostly because I just know after I go through all the trouble to finally sew them on I will find
out that I sewed them on in the wrong place.
out that I sewed them on in the wrong place.
Because that's exactly the kind of thing I do. Like regularly. I'm that mom.
Charlotte was sitting at the kitchen table next to me writing a story that she kept hidden with her arm
so I couldn't read it.
I was sewing and listening to the variety(both good + bad) that Pandora was playing when a song came on, it was this song and I'm linking to it even though I'm sure no one else knows this song or probably cares, really.
But I love it and all of the sudden.... So MANY memories.
Me at 16 and 19 and 21 and 24.... and now.
I have so many tiny but vivid snippets of memories and sounds and smells and places tied to this song... to this band and to those years.
So many happy, carefree memories with good friends...
They all flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds, so many thoughts and feelings.
And then I looked back at Charlotte writing and down at the little Brownie vest I was(badly) sewing patches onto and it was a moment, a strange one.
A moment of then and now and how I am the mom now and where did that other person go, anyway?
The old me, the younger me.
Because if I'm honest, I wouldn't trade where I am now or go back to that time permanently for anything... but sometimes I miss that girl and sometimes I feel like I've lost her, some days she feels a life time away from me now.
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I think in a matter of seconds I smiled, I felt like crying, I felt like dancing and I just wanted to freeze time right then and just enjoy doing exactly what I was doing.
And then Charlotte looked at me, covered her papers again to make sure I couldn't read anything
and I went right back to sewing with my crooked needle while trying not to look at the sink full of dirty dishes.
And the moment left just as quickly and unexpectedly as it came.
so I couldn't read it.
I was sewing and listening to the variety(both good + bad) that Pandora was playing when a song came on, it was this song and I'm linking to it even though I'm sure no one else knows this song or probably cares, really.
But I love it and all of the sudden.... So MANY memories.
Me at 16 and 19 and 21 and 24.... and now.
I have so many tiny but vivid snippets of memories and sounds and smells and places tied to this song... to this band and to those years.
So many happy, carefree memories with good friends...
They all flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds, so many thoughts and feelings.
And then I looked back at Charlotte writing and down at the little Brownie vest I was(badly) sewing patches onto and it was a moment, a strange one.
A moment of then and now and how I am the mom now and where did that other person go, anyway?
The old me, the younger me.
Because if I'm honest, I wouldn't trade where I am now or go back to that time permanently for anything... but sometimes I miss that girl and sometimes I feel like I've lost her, some days she feels a life time away from me now.
////////////////
I think in a matter of seconds I smiled, I felt like crying, I felt like dancing and I just wanted to freeze time right then and just enjoy doing exactly what I was doing.
And then Charlotte looked at me, covered her papers again to make sure I couldn't read anything
and I went right back to sewing with my crooked needle while trying not to look at the sink full of dirty dishes.
And the moment left just as quickly and unexpectedly as it came.
I totally get it. All of it. And I've been thinking about this very fact a LOT lately. Where did my younger self go? What happened to that girl. The girl.before.I.was.married.girl. I don't have any brownie vests to sew patches on, but I think back to the girl who didn't think about bills and groceries or worried about work or anything adult like. And even though I'm crazy in love with my hubby ( most of the time, ha!) There are still times I do or say things that I never would have before. Like parts of me are gone. Because no matter what anyone says, marriage changes you. Do you know what I mean? Also, I clicked on the link and listened to your song :) I'm not sure I would know a Greatful Dead song if it hit me in the face. Except it did remind me of something I might have listened to in a friends basement while smoking things we shouldn't…….I lived a sheltered childhood Amy. Can we still be friends? :) I think we are sisters from another mister. So much in common the two of us.
ReplyDeleteRachel! Thank you so much for your comment, it really made me smile! : ) I guess everything along the way changes us... we grow and change because we are supposed to, that's what happens... But I also think it's okay to miss some of the old things and the old "us" as well. YES! We can still be friends and I think I might just love you even more for that comment! That just made my night!
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