{Exposed}

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Trying to figure out "my word" for the new year got me to thinking about what word best fit for 2010.
I looked for a word last year and couldn't find one. I wanted a word...
but nothing seemed to "fit" so I moved on. Forgot about it, until I would read about someone else's word, read these wonderful posts all about their words and their goals and plans and I would be a little envious that my word had never fell into my lap last year. I know one wasn't really going to fall into
 my lap,  but this year I was determined to wait it out until one came to me.



But my word for last year... I think it would be exposed.
I definitely didn't intend for that word to be mine,
but looking back, I think it fits. Exposed. I did way more of than that than I thought
I would/could last year. I am the person that cannot imagine having a Facebook page for my blog that would link ME, with my regular Fb account, back to my blog. Did that make sense?
 Humiliating. Embarrassing.
Way too much exposure for me. Is that weird? I guess if I didn't talk about anything personal on my blog I might feel different about it. I wouldn't want a lot of my Facebook "friends" (who many of which are really just acquaintances, as we all know) to be all up in my business.
Not that I have any exciting business.
And there is no judging those of you that mesh those two worlds,
I just can't do it,  but I admire you for that. Seriously.


I started this blog several months before the New Year last year....in September. So by the time the
new year rolled around I was well into the world of blogging. I don't think many people read this little blog of mine at all then (okay, I know they didn't), but I had found some sort of  rhythm to blogging.
To writing and sharing my pictures and my life and...all of it. And I loved it. I loved the feeling of having something to say and actually saying it, just getting it out there...and out of ME.  It was just for me. Both blogging and photography have done that for me. I've said it before but I think it bears repeating;
I do not at all considers myself a writer but a blogger. There is a difference folks and I'm okay with that. Photographer? Well, I'm working on that one.

Picture taken by my little guy and he didn't cut my head off...little too close though : )


In blogging there is a fine line for me...what to share, what not to share, what problems/struggles
 to put out there for all of the world to see, and which ones to share with only a few of
 the closest people in your life. I don't want my little space here to look only like well-behaved kids, an always positive mom and wife spending her days baking and antiquing with date nights every weekend. That's not reality. There is so much more than that to my life.
It took a while but I got to a point where I felt like I could step out of the safe zone
  and share a little more here. That part was hard for me though.  Really hard.
But I did it...here and here and here.
And it's scary and sometimes after you do it you want to go back and push delete
 immediately but you don't. Sometimes your finger even hovers over "delete" and you hear your
mom in your mind saying; "Amy, why are you putting all your business out there?"
{hahaha...and my mom does not even read my blog, but she's still in my head}
But then you do it and you feel better. Like a weight is gone... and the bonus?
Other people understand and can relate to you. And that's a good thing.

You know what I have come to realize?
Who needs therapy?  I blog. 
I want people to be able to relate to me and my real life, I don't want to sugar-coat
things here, but there are things I just don't feel comfortable sharing either. And I think that's okay, too.


I'm still working on putting myself in FRONT of the camera and being in pictures, it's not that easy.
I find it embarrassing and uncomfortable but I am working on it.
Because I want my kids to have pictures of me... and pictures of me with them...
no matter how I think I look right now.
Exposing myself a little at a time...slowly. It's a process though, not a goal to be met.
So exposed  totally fits for last year. And it's something I will continue to work on.
Exposing the good, the bad and the ugly...one post at a time.

******
So thank you for being a part of all of this for me.
For being virtual cheerleaders, giving advice and sending positive emails and encouraging me...
with life and being a parent and photography, the good stuff, the bad stuff...just all of it.
It truly makes this world of ours feel so much smaller. And I love that.





24 comments:

  1. great post, amy -- i can totally relate to many things you shared. i was recently in a 2nd hand shop and i saw something that reminded me of you ... how cool is that!? small world :) and love how little things like blogs can foster a neat connection.

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  2. Beautifully written my blogger friend - who happens to be a great writer despite what you think. I want a bumper sticker that says that... "Who needs therapy - I blog" Love it. Maybe a tee shirt, or a bag - I'll get working on that for you! I know exactly what you mean about hearing your mothers voice - I do too....because I think she is the only who reads my blog - hence why I stick to the more crafty subjects. Thanks for baring your soul.

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  3. Whew! I am glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I just recently started blogging as an outlet and am still struggling as to how comfortable I feel sharing different things. I guess it comes with time. Great post!

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  4. you remind me of a flower bud, amy. it opens slowly and quietly, getting ever so exposed. but each new unfolding of each petal just reveals more and more of its beauty. imperfections and all, truly that's you. thanks for sharing your beauty with us.

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  5. so true about being in the pictures. there aren't a whole lot of my mom, but there's at least a decent amount.

    ohmyword, so your mom's in YOUR head, too!!
    hahah, yeah. i try to turn the volume down in my head......ya know. it kinda helps sometimes. ;)

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  6. Wonderfully written. Very honest and open. What a great post!!

    Thanks for sharing :)

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  7. I SOOOO agree with you about FB and "friending" people there - I don't want everybody up in my business either. I laughed at the "who needs therapy" thought - indeed!

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  8. Karina- Yes, a t-shirt! That would be awesome....I might have to get on that! : )

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  9. Thanks Amy, for all your exposing! Love it all! Hugs from mountain country,
    Maureen

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  10. amy! you are beautiful! i love your heart and thank you so much for sharing this :)

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  11. but you are a writer and a photographer and an awesome blogger! I love Leslie's flower metaphor. sometimes you just have me speechless. and that is a good thing Amy. i don't why you started blogging, but I am grateful that you did and also happy to know that i always have a place to go for coffee on Tuesday mornings. hugs, Cathy

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  12. first, you have to have the shirt printed up! genius!! or maybe i should make you a print with that on it. i would definitely hang that over my workspace. :)

    second, i love this post! i love seeing the evolution that can happen when we let it. i never want to be one of those people that's the same this year as next ya know? and i think blogging helps with that, at least for me. i big puffy heart you and how you are choosing to expose your life and creativity!!

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  13. I also struggle with what to share and I had to laugh when I read your mom's voice asking what you're doing sharing all of your business. My mom DOES read my blog, and she's so Midwestern and conservative, I know she thinks that!
    Thanks for sharing, I appreciate reading about your real life, real struggles and real joys.
    xox

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  14. See...this is exactly what I love about you. I feel the same way about so many of the things you said. I still haven't connected my blog to my facebook either!

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  15. Oh - this is a lovely post!! :) I feel ya. Finally this year I took the plunge to have my blog posts posted on my facebook page - for years they had been two different worlds, and each side didn't really know about the other. It took some courage to expose myself that way, finally - and it's still kind of awkward sometimes, but it's really cool to have the two mesh finally. I feel more well-rounded. :) and yay for being in more pictures with your kids! they'll love to look back on that!!

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  16. *exposed*...look at those last few images of you & c....
    look at her self-consiousness in front of a camera that she couldn't care less about...
    the fact that you embraced that for a year last year is incredibly wonderful...
    most adults wouldn't even strive to be aware of that!
    i agree with all your very *wise* & *thoughtful* words above and agree that a fb site and a blog site a very different areas of ones life...i don't judge anyone combining them at all- but ,like you, for me they are two seperate parts of my life...
    blogging is almost sacred compared to the random logging on fb....
    anyhow...
    your word for this year is also thought provoking...as intially i too thought conquer...overcome....successful change something entirely...
    but it's not that....it's a personal level of reaching/doing/changing/becomming aware of your own life...
    you're very happy where you are...conquer just adds a new element to the awareness of it all...
    hope this makes sense...i am super tired today and feeling like a real coffee with you..

    melissa xxx

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  17. thank you, thank you guys all so much, you are awesome. : )

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  18. I don't really like blogs where the bloggers seem UNreal or DIShonest. I only want to read the blogs where people admit that they aren't perfect and happy all the time. There are plenty of moms at the library, park, etc. who put up a front of being perfect and happy and having it all together. When I come online, I want to read people's admissions that they aren't always perfect and happy. Makes me feel less alone.

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  19. Beautiful post, Amy!

    I totally agree with your words here. It is so hard to feel free enough here to expose ourselves in photos,,, and to show our real life & home (before the clean-up)....:) I don't like posting pics of myself (for sure), but I know I do like seeing other people. So I figure maybe others might like to see that occassionally.

    I have had so many people tell me they visit my blog to be uplifted and that they come because they are looking for "hope"! So, that puts the pressure on me (at times) to feel like I can't show the bad in life. I mean we all know there is plenty of bad, real life moments! I do try to keep it balanced, but I am not sure I do that? My sister told me she thinks I am trying to focus that there are some "right" things going on in my life. Because we have had a lot of "bad moments" over the last few years! I think it is what makes MEEEEEEEEE feel better! My therapy! :) I do know that when we bear our heart and soul (in a safe way), that we can reach and touch more people's lives. So, I applaud you for sharing with all of us! Thank you for that!

    Have a happy weekend!

    XOXO
    Gloria

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  20. My word for last year was *survive*. And I did.

    I think I'd open up even more, but I know I have parents from school that have found me. I can't let my freak flag fly and still sit down to a professional parent-teacher conference.

    You do great, Amy.

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  21. Welcome!! Good for you!! Rock on :)

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  22. great, GREAT post.
    blogging is a weird world...and sometimes i feel all embarassed when i meet someone in real life, who reads my blog...why? why does that embarass me?
    anywho, keep blogging sista. you rock at it :)

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  23. I loved this post so much that I starred it to come back to! I've been thinking about this recently, and am petrified that people I know will stumble upon and read my blog! I'm afraid to even show my face! Isn't that funny that I'm worried that the people who know me best might actually get to know me... Great post, thank you.

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  24. This is such a wonderful post - I love it and can so relate to what you are saying. And you make me think... as I'm not yet as far as you are - thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

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