Early Wednesday morning I will be getting on an airplane headed to Florida.
There, I actually said it out loud; I'm going on vacation... on an airplane.
And I am really, really scared to fly.
I wish I wasn't... I actually hate it that I am... it's dumb.
I wish I was the person that thought nothing of it, jumped on a plane without a second thought... the person that plans
a trip and does not feel like backing out because of the whole flying part... but I'm just not.
I'm deathly afraid to fly and haven't in years... But I'm going anyway.
the only thing that is getting me on that airplane.
The only thing.
I know, I know.... get over it, Amy!-- you're going on vacation!-- but in the spirit of Keeping It Real here on
this little blog of mine, I thought I would share how I am really feeling leading up to this vacation.
Sure, I could have not shared this, I didn't have to, and then you would have seen all of my pretty, fun pictures on Instagram this
week and been none the wiser. Right?
But here's the thing... I made a decision a while back to share my struggle with anxiety and panic...
in my "real life" with my friends and family and here, too-- and YES, this is my real life here, too.
It was hard and it was a big deal for me, it still is, every single time I post about it here I have second thoughts immediately and
wonder if I should just delete the post.
BUT.
It helps.
The not hiding it, the not being ashamed, the not feeling like a liar, the not feeling like I am alone and no one understands,
the part where me sharing might actually help someone else-- it all helps... and it's what I feel like I need to be doing right now.
So I do.
And I try to just let go of the feeling judged part.
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So today I have a lot to do. A lot to do.
By nature I am not a big planner--uh, no... not at all, but I have been making lists for Eric and his mom and lists for myself.
I am trying to be as organized as possible and my goal is to have everything I need to still run get finished by today.
Flip flops, sunscreen, magazines, bathing suit....all done today.
I need to be as organized as possible at home so I am organized in my my mind... if that makes any sense at all.
Being organized and prepared, not stressed and freaking out, will hopefully keep the anxiety and panic at bay. Hopefully.
>>>
So wish me luck on Wednesday... and have a happy Sunday...
Hope you are doing something fun today!
* More Keeping It Real posts on anxiety/panic/life...
here, here, here, here
the flying thing: you'll do fine. trust me. for my birthday last year my wonderful hubs bought me a plane ticket to see a friend in san Francisco. before that i hadnt flown since, wait for it.....1995. dude, 1995!!!!! i was scared out of my brain. but i did it. all by myself. and these were major airports too!! (portland or and oakland ca) if i can do it, so can you.
ReplyDeleteif i could give you any advice it would be to get to the airport way early ( i know you probably know that, but still....). even if it means you end up sitting around reading a book and drinking an overpriced coffee. it will ease your mind to have plenty of time to get through security and what not. also, once on the plane, i had wine. i didnt care that it was 10:30 in the morning, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
when i first got to the airport and was checking in i told the gal at the counter that i hadnt flown in a long time and was clueless about the whole process. she smiled and said, "oh it doesnt matter. we change the rules all the time anyway!" so you're not alone as you may think. ;)
have fun!!!!
I know several people who are terrified of flying. I can't give you any useful advice, but you are not alone. And I always admire your courage and honesty. That is what keeps me coming back here.
ReplyDeletei LOVE your realness.
ReplyDeletewe need more of that in this world and i have never EVER thought once of being judgmental.
i mean, i am a complete hot mess a lot of days and if it weren't for the Lord, it would be a permanent state for me!
i need Him every hour!
you are going to be fine. deep breaths, girl.
xoxo