Early Wednesday morning I will be getting on an airplane headed to Florida.
There, I actually said it out loud; I'm going on vacation... on an airplane.
And I am really, really scared to fly.
I wish I wasn't... I actually hate it that I am... it's dumb.
I wish I was the person that thought nothing of it, jumped on a plane without a second thought... the person that plans
a trip and does not feel like backing out because of the whole flying part... but I'm just not.
I'm deathly afraid to fly and haven't in years... But I'm going anyway.
the only thing that is getting me on that airplane.
The only thing.
I know, I know.... get over it, Amy!-- you're going on vacation!-- but in the spirit of Keeping It Real here on
this little blog of mine, I thought I would share how I am really feeling leading up to this vacation.
Sure, I could have not shared this, I didn't have to, and then you would have seen all of my pretty, fun pictures on Instagram this
week and been none the wiser. Right?
But here's the thing... I made a decision a while back to share my struggle with anxiety and panic...
in my "real life" with my friends and family and here, too-- and YES, this is my real life here, too.
It was hard and it was a big deal for me, it still is, every single time I post about it here I have second thoughts immediately and
wonder if I should just delete the post.
The not hiding it, the not being ashamed, the not feeling like a liar, the not feeling like I am alone and no one understands,
the part where me sharing might actually help someone else-- it all helps... and it's what I feel like I need to be doing right now.
So I do.
And I try to just let go of the feeling judged part.
So today I have a lot to do. A lot to do.
By nature I am not a big planner--uh, no... not at all, but I have been making lists for Eric and his mom and lists for myself.
I am trying to be as organized as possible and my goal is to have everything I need to still run get finished by today.
Flip flops, sunscreen, magazines, bathing suit....all done today.
I need to be as organized as possible at home so I am organized in my my mind... if that makes any sense at all.
Being organized and prepared, not stressed and freaking out, will hopefully keep the anxiety and panic at bay. Hopefully.
So wish me luck on Wednesday... and have a happy Sunday...
Hope you are doing something fun today!
* More Keeping It Real posts on anxiety/panic/life...
here, here, here, here