Florida :: Living The Dream

{First of all,  I have to tell you that although this vacation was awfully dreamy, the "living the dream" part is an inside joke}

A few years ago my sister and I were taking the kids to a big Easter egg hunt and as we were walking up to it there was a family
walking next to us; the dad was snapping around/yelling at the kids and being a super grouch but the second someone he knew walked
up and asked how he was doing his attitude immediately changed;
"Living the dream, buddy, living the dream. Family, great wife...what else could I ask for? Just living the dream..."
Ha!
So now we always say that about our lives, especially on those super crappy days when everything seems to be going wrong;
"Just living the dream, buddy, just living the dream..."

/////
Now, in Florida we really were living the dream though.
No laundry, no meals to fix, no cleaning up, no breaking up fights, no packing school lunches and no responsibilities!
Our biggest challenges were-- trying not to sleep in too late, what time to head to the beach and what drinks we wanted
to order at dinner.
Bliss.

This was the most relaxing time I have had in years... YEARS.
It was so much fun and even with the whole flying thing I'd go again in a heartbeat(I might just be a little better medicated, that's all).
The five of us laughed like I had not laughed in forever, laughed and cried really, this trip was truly the best therapy ever.

Vacation as therapy? Yes, please!
We are already planning our trip for next April... if we can wait that long.
I miss the colors, the ocean, the water, the sand, the sun and the feeling of total calm and peace.
Who knew a PINK house could be so cute? I am not even a pink kinda girl.

Instagrammin' My Way To Florida(and Back)

Just a few of my favorite Instagrams from vacation, because you know... there are a whole lot more than this, right?
I took so many pictures with my phone and next time I think I won't even take my big camera to the beach and I'll only use my
phone, it would be much easier and you don't have to worry about the whole sand in the lenses thing.
Oh-- and by the way, I'm lucky13amy on Instagram if you wanna follow along.

These pictures really make me wish I was laying on the beach right now... toes in the sand, looking for shells, wading out into
the ocean... Sigh.
On my to-do list for this weekend is to order prints of these, I just need to figure out where to order them from.
I will do it. No, really, I will. I sware.
>>>>>>>>>>

Cheers to a great weekend!
linking up here today-

Florida :: My Favorite 13

Just a few of my fAvoRitE photos from Florida...
I miss it already.
And my girls.
But these colors and these pictures make me really happy.
Now to sleep... and get caught up on all things here in the real world.
Sigh.

Be on the lookout for much more about my little vacation this week!
ps- i have a serious urge to paint my house a beachy color now... sea foam green? turquoise? :)

Keeping It Real :: The Whole Airplane/Flying Thing

Early Wednesday morning I will be getting on an airplane headed to Florida.

There, I actually said it out loud;  I'm going on vacation... on an airplane.

And I am really, really scared to fly.

I wish I wasn't... I actually hate it that I am... it's dumb.

I wish I was the person that thought nothing of it, jumped on a plane without a second thought... the person that plans

a trip and does not feel like backing out because of the whole flying part... but I'm just not.

I'm deathly afraid to fly and haven't in years... But I'm going anyway.

On Wednesday I will be with four of my best girlfriends, on the beach, drinking a beer... and that picture in my mind is
the only thing that is getting me on that airplane.

The only thing.

I know, I know.... get over it, Amy!-- you're going on vacation!-- but in the spirit of Keeping It Real here on

this little blog of mine, I thought I would share how I am really feeling leading up to this vacation.

Sure, I could have not shared this, I didn't have to, and then you would have seen all of my pretty, fun pictures on Instagram this

week and been none the wiser. Right?

But here's the thing... I made a decision a while back to share my struggle with anxiety and panic... 

in my "real life" with my friends and family and here, too-- and YES, this is my real life here, too.

It was hard and it was a big deal for me, it still is, every single time I post about it here I have second thoughts immediately and

wonder if I should just delete the post.

BUT.
It helps.
The not hiding it, the not being ashamed, the not feeling like a liar, the not feeling like I am alone and no one understands,
the part where me sharing might actually help someone else-- it all helps... and it's what I feel like I need to be doing right now.
So I do.
And I try to just let go of the feeling judged part.

/////////////////////

So today I have a lot to do. A lot to do.
By nature I am not a big planner--uh, no... not at all,  but I have been making lists for Eric and his mom and lists for myself.
I am trying to be as organized as possible and my goal is to have everything I need to still run get finished by today.
Flip flops, sunscreen, magazines, bathing suit....all done today.
I need to be as organized as possible at home so I am organized in my my mind... if that makes any sense at all.
Being organized and prepared,  not stressed and freaking out,  will hopefully keep the anxiety and panic at bay. Hopefully.

>>>

So wish me luck on Wednesday... and have a happy Sunday... 
Hope you are doing something fun today!


* More Keeping It Real posts on anxiety/panic/life...
here, here, here, here

Get Away + The Humiliating Truth About The Water Park

{First, a little about our get-away, then we will get down to the nitty gritty of this post, k?}

I cannot even tell you how happy I was to get away for just a few days this past week.
There was no long, exotic vacation for us this year because home projects took precedence, but a
little get away was in order for all of us.
Even if it was just a state away.
I feel like I have been needing to get away,  like really needing to, for about 8 months now.
We all have.

We stayed at a cabin in a state park for a few nights and it was the perfect mix of semi-rustic +
modern- it still had housekeeping services and was about 100 feet away from the lodge and pool.
Perfect.
It was also close to the water park... which means I survived the water park!
It was fun and the kids had a BLAST but I still have to say I am really not a water park person.
I am more of a let's find an empty corner of the beach and hang out or let's go swim at grandma & grandpa's where
we have the pool to ourselves kinda person.
But it was good and it was fun surprising the kids, they loved it and neither of them were scared even
on the biggest water slide.

{the nitty gritty part}

It's funny how you sit down to write about one thing and then feel compelled to share something
completely different.
Every time I have shared something really personal on here that's how it goes though.
I don't plan it out ahead of time or write and edit it... I just write it because I am feeling it.
Right then.

So, the truth about the water park.
The idea of going to a water park and wearing a swimsuit in public was beyond humiliating to me.
Not just a little embarrassingly folks, but humiliating.
Like I wanna die right here on the spot or feign sickness in order to miss this outing.
But I decided that my weight and my issues are MY issues and it wasn't really fair to punish the kids
because of it.
Right?
And we are not talking about my butt looks a little big in this suit but the fact that I am overweight
and unhealthy and some big changes are in order.
That's the truth.
It's been a long time coming.
I feel like in the last year my physical health has really went downhill as my mental health has become so much better
regarding my panic and anxiety issues.
Maybe I focused on my other issues and totally neglected my physical health?
Yeah, I think that's a tiny part of it.
I'm not making excuses though, I needed to lose weight before that, but I do think it got worse.

I think I am finally ready to get serious about losing weight and to get back into a regular
exercise routine.
I talked here about how I am trying to focus on the good and positive things that will come from
my baby starting kindergarten in a week and a half and this is a huge one for me.
One thing I keep telling myself is that I am going to get into a regular exercise routine and take time
for fixing healthier meals because I will have time to focus on myself like I haven't in years once
school starts.
Don't get me wrong, I am not using the fact that I am busy with the kids as an excuse to be overweight, I realize that
women with six kids can find the time to train for marathons if they want to, it's just a
matter of priorities.
And it hasn't been one of mine.
But I think I'm ready to change that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Whew.
All of that from a post about our little get-away.

This Week...

I've got plans for this week.

It's the last week of Summer Vacation.

There are things I want to do with the kids, a book I want to start reading and things I need

 to get done around here.

I've got big plans, I'm telling ya.

I have seen so many people doing the August Break thing and I thought about it for half a second
 but decided to just do a week of scheduled posts instead.

So you might feel like I am still here and I will be popping in, I'm not gonna even pretend that
 I am going to be completely unplugged,
but I will be around a whole lot less, which will be a good thing for me.

This might sound kind of of sad (because a. i obviously spend too much tome on the computer and

 b. i take way too many pictures) BUT I have probably about 8 blog posts just waiting to be published.

 Like completely done and ready to go.

I know a lot of people talk about having nothing to say, not wanting to force themselves to
blog, etc. and I am sure one day I will feel that way too...but really? I hardly ever do.
Not in nearly two years.

I mean, I might not feel like it for a day or two, so I don't blog, but that's it.

Is that weird?

I feel like I always have something to say and pictures to share. 

Don't get it twisted though, 

I don't think I have much of any real importance to share or say,
but I do have something to say I guess and I feel better when I do.

And on the days I don't feel like it then I just don't blog, simple as that.

But, there are definitely days where I am working on a post about a lovely day away with the kids and fun family time full of wonderful pictures... you know, a "life-is-so-grand" post but in reality I am feeling grouchy and stressed and feeling like a bad mom so I just can't fake it by putting a super-happy post right out there in that moment. So I don't. Which is another reason for the stored-up blog posts.

But this blog is for me.

It is my outlet....it is a creative outlet, a social outlet and therapy for me.

It's just for me, I am doing this for no other reason other than I like it.

And I like having something just for me.

I think we all need something just for us.

So this week I am focusing on other things.

Like knocking a couple last things off our Summer List, having cousins sleep-over, 

celebrating my birthday, working on a few little projects and trying to get some good sleep in there.

And by the way, I truly appreciate all of the advice/ideas on my post about my dreadful sleeping issues.
 I am trying no tv right before bed and as soon as I remember to pick it up, I am going to try melatonin and I am NOT giving up on getting up early in the morning to exercise. Not yet anyway.

My goal is to exercise 4 days this week, morning, noon or night, I'm going to do it.

I hope everyone has a great week!

There will be no Virtual Coffee this week but I will be back next Tuesday,

 August 23 bright and early for coffee. See ya then!

PS-- Sunflowers make me really happy.
PPS- Time to sign off so I can watch Eat, Pray, Love.