On Fear, Anxiety and Just Doing It

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

So, after my little trip to Florida in April I had intended to write a post on the whole flying thing but just never got around to it.
I talked about it here before I went on vacation... and I know it's kind of old news now, BUT I am sharing because I have come to
realize that sharing my crazy anxiety/panicky stuff actually helps me, and it might just make someone else feel not so crazy, or alone...
and that would be a good thing.


I am scared to death of flying.
I hate it. Like hate, hate, hate it.
I'd rather have surgery before voluntarily putting myself on an airplane.
I'm not scared of terrorists, or heights or... whatever, I am just plain scared of crashing- and not just crashing but that whole minute
I imagine it would take to crash and just knowing that whole time you were going to die and not being able to do anything about it.
That is what I think about pretty much the entire time I am on an airplane, like obsessive thoughts, over and over.
It's a bit crazy.
Doesn't that sound like a bit of a nightmare?

No, it's not like I get on the airplane and then after a bit I'm able to relax and enjoy the rest of the flight... or even just stop freaking out
for the rest of the flight.
Not even a little bit, that does not happen.
I freak out in my head the entire time, it does not slow down until pretty much right before we land.
When the plane starts descending and you start getting close enough to see the land really good I start to calm down a tiny bit, as we
get lower I finally start to feel like I can take a deep breath.
And it's not because I think we're so close now that we probably won't crash either.
Oh no, I'm still convinced there is a pretty good chance we'll crash, BUT at that point I feel like if we do crash we are close enough
to the ground that it would happen really fast and I wouldn't even have a chance to think about what was going on.
See? Little bit crazy.

Thankfully, I was flying with three very understanding friends that knew what a big deal flying is for me, otherwise I wouldn't have
even done it.
They made sure I was not by a stranger or by myself, or next to the window... or the aisle...or the crazy man that appeared drunk
that might want to talk to me during the flight...
Yeah, they are really good friends.
They knew not to talk to me if I was looking super-crazy and my friend that I sat next to was fine with me holding her hand during
take-off and almost squeezing it off.
They knew that if drinks were being served to flag down the stewardess and that when my headphones were in not to even attempt to
talk to me(they were in almost the entire time).

So yes, I was scared to death, BUT,  I did not have an anxiety attack on the airplane.
I was not hauled away by security, my plane did not crash and I am here to tell you that I survived...all four flights.
Yes, we changed planes each way... so FOUR times I did this.
Four times.
One plane was a tiny one and let me tell you, I seriously thought about taking a train home from Chicago instead... but I didn't.
It wasn't pretty, but I did it.
As silly as it may seem to some, I am proud of myself... like really proud.
I did something that I was/am scared to death to do.
Will it be easier next time?
No, I don't think it will be... not even a little bit.
But I'll do it again... because it was so worth it.



  1. this is how it was when i went to california, although my flight was much shorter. rock on lady.

  2. I travel a lot, and still I get anxious on planes. Not debilitating or anything, but enough to be uncomfortable. I didn't use to worry about it when I was younger, but as I get older, it bothers me more and more. (Even though I know, statistically, problems are unlikely and driving around in cars is far more dangerous...) I blame movies and TV shows that love to show plane crashes. They think it makes for good drama, but all it does is make me cringe and wish I could skip my next flight. They really need to work on that whole teleportation thing. :)

  3. I am kind of scared of flying too, especially now that I have kids! I have only flown 2x since I had the kids, once with them and once without, not fun!
    you sure got some GREAT shots anyway~ beautiful~!!!

  4. Glad to hear all went well...we travel to see family so much via airplane--I've become used to the whole flying thing. Loving your new blog header!

  5. I get it. That is a real fear. Glad to see you lived to tell about it ;)

  6. I think you were corageous to get on that plane. Four times. I think you were even more corageous to talk about the experience. I think you are corageous to know you will do it again... and you know what? I think it might get easier.

  7. Amy, I'm so glad you made it, and this was indeed courageous of you to push through! You have written about anxiety before, and I have thought about emailing you several times over the last several months to share something with you. I am procrastinator extraordinaire! This post prompted me again to want to do that, but I couldn't find your email anywhere you on your site. If you don't mind sharing your email, please email me at adefinedlife@gmail.com, and I will email you back! If not, that's perfectly fine too!

    1. Stephanie- i just emailed you. i apologize, i totally forgot about that!! XO

  8. I'm proud of you, Amy! You pushed through some big fear and anxiety and told it where to go!
    Like you, I think about crashing quite a bit on planes, and don't get me started on flying over water! (Add fear of drowning to the crashing...)
    You are really brave to share your struggle with this specific issue and your anxiety in general.
    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.


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