Amy Vs. The World /// A Trip To Crazytown

Sunday, February 3, 2013

So my title might sound a wee bit dramatic, but that's just pretty much exactly how I am feeling today.
Do you know what I mean?
Like nothing is quite right, everyone and everything is against me and I can do absolutely nothing right.
I might just be the worst parent around, am most definitely the world's worst spouse, I don't seem to know where to go or
what to do next and even the simplest of things seem just a little bit too overwhelming.

Don't worry, I know it's not true, not really anyway... that's just how I am feeling.
It's just one of those days where you wish you could vanish into thin air....go far, far away where you know no one
and no one will look at you, speak to you or even notice that you are there.
Or crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there for days.

I feel like crying and I'm not sure why... I am trying my best to hold it together.
Because sometimes you feel like if you start you just may not stop.
The anxiety is creeping around but not actually there yet... and in the back of my mind I wonder how
long until the cycle of anxiety, panic + sleepless nights are back.

This, my friends, is what going off of your anti-anxiety medication looks like.
This isn't the result I was hoping for.
It took a couple of weeks to get here and I(maybe much too)foolishly thought that maybe this is
NOT where I would be.... not how I would feel.
That it was possible to be just fine without it, that I am bigger than the anxiety and "stronger"
than it, too.
That I could deal with it alone or that it really was "better".... or gone, at bay... that it's not as much
of an issue anymore.


This is what I know, right now, today : 
If I want everyone else to know that it is okay to admit that you are battling with anxiety, panic attacks, depression- or with
anything at all that might make you feel bad, weak or "less than"... that it is nothing to be ashamed of, there is nothing
wrong with you and you are not alone.
I need to own it + say it out loud,  because this is my story, too.

I will get past this little bad patch, I know I will.
And I also know that, unfortunately,  this will not be the last one.
I am lucky enough to have a few very good friends that understand, sympathize, listen + don't judge me or think
that I am completely crazy.
Even if I feel like it sometimes.

Tomorrow is a new day.
And for that I am grateful.
Very grateful.


{ Related Crazytown Posts :: here , here , here , here }


  1. Amy, can I ask if you just quit cold turkey or did you wean yourself off of it? I started cutting mine in half last week. I don't want to a person who depends on pills but I'm really afraid of the rush of feelings that may come along if I'm completely off of it.


  2. See I read this and relate so much that I wonder if I should be ON the meds...

    Life is quite simply unsure and the best we can do is not to second guess her too much. Best wishes to you, dearest. x

  3. You are an incredibly strong woman to acknowledge these feelings, to let yourself feel them, to talk about them out loud, and know they will pass. I admire you.

  4. Ugh. i am really sorry as I KNOW what you are dealing with on so many levels. As you know I had a BIG panic attack the other night and feel them coming on bit by bit. I have been dealing with them on my own, but I have only had 4-5 in the last 8/9 years, so I don't feel like I need to be on meds right now. My mom, sister and two of my brothers all have them BAD and they all take meds for it. sooooooo hard to deal with. I do not want to medicate, at ALL, so I am really trying to just hold my stuff together right now. I hardly take something for a headache and have a hard time taking vitamins, sooooo. ugh. I am really happy you share so I feel less alone, you are very brave and I admire that. I recently had to make my blog private and I am so sad because i miss the interaction from posters....anyway, take care and I KNOW you will be okay, and that you will handle it all however you need to handle it and if that's with meds, that it's OKAY! I may need them someday soon LOL!
    love ya,

  5. I stopped mine last year around this time...and then in August I wanted to 51/50 myself. (Not kidding.) Mental health is so complicated... xoxo

  6. I hope things do start to look up, sooner than later.

  7. Ah love. You're a good woman, you know that? Everyone has their own brand of crazy. There is so, so, so, SO much POWER in not feeling alone. I have a dear, best, kindred spirt, sister friend who I will be sending this very post to as she has taken on the beast of anxiety recently herself. And even though our battles come with different labels...they are all there. All hard. The strongest among us are those that can name it, share it, tell it like it is. I think I will go do some battle with my own brand of Wishing you love and sunshine, all day long.


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